Today, I had to remove a glass bottle, complete with an ineffective pullstring, from a patient's rectum. He claimed that he'd accidentally sat on it, and later threatened to sue me for every penny if I breathed a word of it to anyone. Oops, looks like I just did. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at work in a call center, I went into my locker to get my pain pills from a recent surgery. When I opened the bottle, half my pills spread all over the floor. My boss walked by and said, "I knew it!" FML
Today, I was changing a wound bandage on one of my patient’s buttocks. I forgot to initial and date the bandage per hospital regulation. As I kneeled in to write, the patient let out the biggest loudest fart directly in my face. The worst part? Some of it sprayed out, some on my face. FML
Today, I went to the emergency room for busting my lip open, I had to lie and tell them I slipped and fell. In reality I was singing with the soap bottle and slammed it into my lip. FML
Today, while observing a surgery, I was asked to open a glass ampule of adrenaline. Not only did I break it and get it everywhere, I sliced open my thumb bad enough to need stitches. FML
Today, I accidentally let out a silent but obscenely deadly fart in the doctor's waiting room. It was so foul that a woman got insanely pissed at her kid because she thought he'd shat his pants again. FML
Today, I was using the restroom at work when my glasses slipped off my face and landed right in the toilet. FML
Today, I was nervously observing a delicate medical procedure while training at my new job. I tried to stifle a sneeze and instead (as you can probably guess) ripped the biggest, most cartoonishly loud fart of my life. My ass sounded like a tuba and I was asked to leave the room. FML
Today, I held a container while a patient tried to throw up in it. She missed. FML
Today, I went to take a drink from my water bottle while sitting in a quiet office with 5 coworkers. I squeezed too hard, sending a jet of water straight into my nose. My coworkers now think I need a sippy cup. FML
Today, I once again had to tell one of my elderly patients not to grope me. He responded by throwing his bedpan at me. It was full. FML
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Top comments
lu95 16
Hopefully said patient doesn't read this website! Otherwise, good luck being poor!
GrinchFu1 27
There's no hipaa violation if you didn't mention his name. Hahahaha!!!
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Comments (160)
theboy13 13
Technically what you did is illegal... Patient/doctor confidentiality
Ray_of_midnight 23
yeah, don't insert anything that doesn't have a flared base, so it doesn't get lost. As far as doctor/patient confidentiality, that's a sticky one. Sure, you can omit the patient's name, but in many cases an approximate age, gender, and hometown are enough to identify someone anyway. Still, cases get written about in medical journals and so forth without any violation of patient confidentiality occurring, so although I'm not a lawyer (and I especially don't know Croatian law), I'd say OP is at least *morally* in the clear. This one also should get posted on "Things I Learn From My Patients" (google it), a discussion thread on a web board about dumb things E.R. patients do to land in the E.R.
WumbologyMajor 3
Wow! You truly are a douchebag. Its called doctor-patient confidentiality. You know, the Hippocratic Oath that every med school grad pledges to follow.
rokolodo 10
Hey! If he/she comes back to talk shit to you, give us his info we got your back.
Omniprism 15
Oh shit if he looked online at all the stuff people put up their asses he'd know he wasn't alone. And there should be like a psa so that people would realize that open bottles create suction dumb asses. Just go to the **** store and get over it. And good thing you get paid tons.
Summoner_T3L 15
So should the new saying be, "Who shoved a bottle up your ass?"
ViviMage 40
Have you talked to DocBastard about his rectal bottle removal skills??
pinguino3669_fml 23
You still have to report to someone about helping the patient, so that would be somewhat impossible.
rhapsodys 12
Why does everyone use this excuse, I "sat" on it? Do they honestly expect anyone to believe it? Lol.
chezgigi 7
Wow. There must be an easier way to recycle...