Today, my roommate made out with this guy I kind of had a thing for. It wasn't a big deal to sober me, but drunk me wasn't having it. I drank half a bottle of vodka, punched a hole in a wall, and cried while laying on the floor. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend came over, drank half a bottle of Jack Daniels and pissed in my sink. I broke up with her and went out with friends. I met a woman and brought her home to watch a movie. She drank a bottle of wine and puked on my couch. FML
Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML
Today, my friend found out his girlfriend was cheating on him. He came to talk to me, and I was happy to help him through this tough time… until he drank a bottle of whiskey by himself. He flew into a drunken rage and started punching holes in the wall and throwing furniture. Now my house is wrecked. FML
Today, I got too drunk at a party and cracked a tooth from opening a beer bottle with my teeth, farted something nasty in a room alone with someone, tried to climb a tree and fell out, and watched my crush make out with his new girl. FML
Today, my friend got a text showing his girlfriend cheating on him. Sounds like his FML, but he was at my house. He then worked his way through a bottle of my whisky and went into a drunken rage. He threw my furniture through windows, punched holes in the wall, and smashed stuff until I had to call the cops. FML
Today, I got a new roommate after having a horrible relationship with the previous one. She seemed nice at first, until our first night together. She got completely wasted, spilled beer all over my bed, and blew chunks into my fish tank. FML
Today, I woke up on a friend's floor with a massive hangover after her party last night. My friend, who was next to me, barfed all over me. She then told me that while I was drunk last night, I made out with her dog as well as two of our other friend's boyfriends. FML
Today, I drank half a bottle of tequila and had an edible within 30 minutes. I couldn't remember a thing until this morning when my roommates told me I pissed myself on the couch, projectile vomited in the living room, and went on to fondle my roommates, who also had to help me shower. I have a designated seat on the couch now. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because of my drunken antics. My reaction? Pour myself a stiff drink. FML
Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML
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Top comments
Subcontinent 14
The fact that you drank half a bottle of vodka suggests you were kinda bothered
jerseygirl94 11
Seems like sober you had a problem and drunk you was just you way of expressing it.
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Comments (37)
Dodge4x4Ram 46
your name though lol
nickie_94 18
Did your roommate know you had feelings for the guy? Maybe if you talk it out drunk you won't make another scene
Brown_Hammer 6
That's awsome you go girl ?
thaqueen_fml 15
See here's the thing: if that prompted you to drink half a bottle of vodka, you probably have a problem with it. Drunk actions are sober thoughts, honey.
91hayek 31
This is sad. Don't repress your feelings, at least to the point where you need to drink to feel them.
Starzak 18
OP, if you had that kind of reaction, inebriated or not, I don't think your feelings for this guy can be labelled as "kind of had a thing for". First, be honest with yourself over your feelings for this guy, then when you've determined what they are, decide on a course of action and finally, once/if you've come up with a cunning plan move quickly. The longer you take to make a move, the more time it gives your room mate to build on the foundation she's already lay with this guy. Before all of this though, I'd suggest you share the rest of the vodka with your room mate, and find out just how much of a thing she has for this guy. You live with this chick, and nothing has the potential to spoil relationships, personal and professional alike, than an attractive third party.
XandWacky 23
Lying*
RememberSchlitz 9
In Vino, Veritas.
billboob 21
Needs more upvotes.
mel4joe2015 21
Temper temper
CosmicElk 26
Yeah im gonna go with you may have needed to face your feelings there, because id too have downed half a bottle of vodka and then dealt with the problem but sober me still had the problem and i think sober you did too.