Today, I allowed my five-year old daughter to paint my fingernails during a living-room "picnic" we were having. A while later I got called back in to work for an emergency meeting. When I arrived at the meeting I noticed my fingernails were still neon-green. I am a 40-year old man. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got a call from my 14-year-old step-daughter while I was out. She'd left nail polish in her pocket when she'd tried to wash the clothes. I now have hot pink streaks on most of my work clothes. FML
Today, I was with a wedding party getting manicures. I absentmindedly used a freshly-painted nail to pick my nose and ended up with two beauticians scraping indestructible bright red gel varnish out of my left nostril with acetone soaked q-tips, while everyone sat waiting in complete silence. FML
Today, my girlfriend bought this hot pink Chanel nail polish. Bored, she thought it would be funny to paint my nails. I finally gave in and let her paint my toe nails. After she left, my buddy calls to to see if I can give him a ride. I forgot I had a swim meet today. FML
Today, I was told that I was a terrible mother, I was ruining my daughter’s life and that I was raising her to be promiscuous. Why? Because I'd painted my 2-year-old’s fingernails. FML
Today, I got bored on the toilet and decided to paint my nails. I ended up having to wait half an hour to wipe. FML
Today, I awoke to make-up all over my face and nail polish on my hands and feet because my daughter wanted "daddy to look pretty." I have a job interview in an hour and none of it is coming off. FML
Today, I went to check on my 2 year-old daughter in her playroom, since she was being awfully quiet. I walk in to see her finger painting with her own feces on her kiddie table. FML
Today, the woman giving me a manicure found a booger under one of my fingernails. FML
Today, on the first day of my nanny job, I wanted to impress my employers with how trustworthy and responsible I am. During the sixty seconds that I went to pee, the two-year-old found a black Sharpie and scribbled all over the wall. Nail polish remover made it ten times worse. FML
Today, I went to get my nails done for the first time in a while. I don't like to go that much because two of my toes are connected, and I'm very self-conscious about it. The man painting my toes started laughing when he saw them and called all the other employees over to look. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
AlphaC 0
You have a five year old daughter. That immediately exempts you from being called gay or unmanly. You're not gay/unmanly because you have neon-green fingernails. You're a parent of a five year old daughter. Cheer up, it's not THAT bad.
justme001 0
Hey, it means you participate in your kid's life. Good for you, eff anyone who would say otherwise.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (321)
TheKitsune 0
That is amazing. If I saw that you would be my new best friend. There need to be more fathers like you in the world!!
cameo81293 0
This isn't an FML, this is really sweet. And as soon as you say you have a kid, people'll understand. Hah, i have pictures of my 3 year old self putting hot pink lipstick on my retired marine grandfather. Get used to, little girls don't outgrow the "dress up daddy" stage till they're 7. :p
cactus_fml 0
AWWWE @ 252 and her marine grandfather.
AndieP22 0
not an FML. that's Cute, i just wish my dad would have let me do that when i was little. if anything Kudos for being an awesome dad!!
id0nTgiv3af___ 0
can you say homophobic?
CeltricShock 0
wtf is a 40 year old man doing on FML? lmao. That's not something you read everyday.
tictong 0
well, its not that back, fml bbecause of that? no way..
heheh_fml 0
You're a good dad.
Anu_Ra 0
I agree with #1 Don't worry people will only see that you're a good father ;D
Anu_Ra 0
WTF @ 224 AND ALL THE PEOPLE WHO THINK 40+ YR OLDS DON'T USE THE INTERNETS! lol Seriously anybody who thinks 40 is old needs to get off the computer, go to bed and let their mommies tuck them in... How immature! @OP: I love it. I hope the father of my children will be as wonderful as you! :D