Today, I got a call from my 14-year-old step-daughter while I was out. She'd left nail polish in her pocket when she'd tried to wash the clothes. I now have hot pink streaks on most of my work clothes. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I allowed my five-year old daughter to paint my fingernails during a living-room "picnic" we were having. A while later I got called back in to work for an emergency meeting. When I arrived at the meeting I noticed my fingernails were still neon-green. I am a 40-year old man. FML
Today, my girlfriend bought this hot pink Chanel nail polish. Bored, she thought it would be funny to paint my nails. I finally gave in and let her paint my toe nails. After she left, my buddy calls to to see if I can give him a ride. I forgot I had a swim meet today. FML
Today, I awoke to make-up all over my face and nail polish on my hands and feet because my daughter wanted "daddy to look pretty." I have a job interview in an hour and none of it is coming off. FML
Today, I helped out with makeup at my daughter's high school play. As one girl walked past, I told her that she'd smudged pink lipstick all up the side of her face. Turns out it was a birthmark. She cried in the dressing room for half an hour. FML
Today, I did a quick load of laundry so I would have work clothes for the week. I don't have my own dryer, so I dried them in the one in my building. After running out to my car, I came back to find that my neighborhood kids had added 6 sharpies to my clothes. Every uniform I own now has stripes. FML
Today, my 3 year old daughter decided to put black nail polish over the webcam lens on my laptop because "It wasn't all black, so I decided to fix it." FML
Today, while showering, I pulled on my white exfoliating gloves ready to wash my face. As I was about to use them, a dark stain caught my eye so I sniffed the mark, only to discover it was poop. After further investigation, I found out my younger sister had been wearing them and "experimenting". FML
Today, I had to do my laundry. Being too lazy to separate them into different colors, or even check the pockets of my jeans, I threw everything I own into one load. Turns out I had left a tin of lip balm in one of my pockets. My whole wardrobe is now covered in spots that won't come out. FML
Today, out of boredom, I decided to dye my hair. I clumsily spilled some of the purple dye on my chest and shoulders. My insane mother is convinced the marks are hickeys I got from sneaking out and having sex with a boyfriend I don’t even have. She won’t listen, and I’m grounded for a month. FML
Today, while doing my disabled client's makeup I got my period. I'm hoping that she didn't notice a red stain on her white bedspread when I stood up. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Kick her acetone! If that doesn’t work, make like the streaks are your nod to #MeToo and breast cancer awareness.
BurnInDemonFire 39
Are you the same person who put their laundry through a wash with a Sharpie in amongst it? Because I'm torn between deciding if you're having a streak of bad luck (pun intended), or if you're just too dense to check the pockets before washing the clothes.
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Comments (5)
RichardPencil 32
Kick her acetone! If that doesn’t work, make like the streaks are your nod to #MeToo and breast cancer awareness.
BurnInDemonFire 39
Are you the same person who put their laundry through a wash with a Sharpie in amongst it? Because I'm torn between deciding if you're having a streak of bad luck (pun intended), or if you're just too dense to check the pockets before washing the clothes.
evilplatypus 39
I’ve never heard of a nail polish bottle unscrewing its cap in the wash and the glass is EXTREMELY shatter resistant. I thoroughly doubt this story happened.
zeffra13 31
I'd believe a kid didn't screw the cap back on all the way.
laranicolebaby 25
This has happened to me before with white nail polish and can confirm that it’s very possible. To this day I have clothes I couldn’t get rid of with white streaks all over them
simcityguy09 19
Capital punishment is acceptable
IHaveThePower 18
Kids make messes and ruin things. It's part of the whole 'kids' deal. Might I recommend establishing a 'turn pockets inside out from now on' policy? And possibly some lessons on how to Google 'wow, I ****** that up, how do I fix it?'. You'd be amazed how often cleaning problems can be solved with a good forum...