Today, I allowed my five-year old daughter to paint my fingernails during a living-room "picnic" we were having. A while later I got called back in to work for an emergency meeting. When I arrived at the meeting I noticed my fingernails were still neon-green. I am a 40-year old man. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got a call from my 14-year-old step-daughter while I was out. She'd left nail polish in her pocket when she'd tried to wash the clothes. I now have hot pink streaks on most of my work clothes. FML
Today, I was with a wedding party getting manicures. I absentmindedly used a freshly-painted nail to pick my nose and ended up with two beauticians scraping indestructible bright red gel varnish out of my left nostril with acetone soaked q-tips, while everyone sat waiting in complete silence. FML
Today, my girlfriend bought this hot pink Chanel nail polish. Bored, she thought it would be funny to paint my nails. I finally gave in and let her paint my toe nails. After she left, my buddy calls to to see if I can give him a ride. I forgot I had a swim meet today. FML
Today, I was told that I was a terrible mother, I was ruining my daughter’s life and that I was raising her to be promiscuous. Why? Because I'd painted my 2-year-old’s fingernails. FML
Today, I got bored on the toilet and decided to paint my nails. I ended up having to wait half an hour to wipe. FML
Today, I awoke to make-up all over my face and nail polish on my hands and feet because my daughter wanted "daddy to look pretty." I have a job interview in an hour and none of it is coming off. FML
Today, I went to check on my 2 year-old daughter in her playroom, since she was being awfully quiet. I walk in to see her finger painting with her own feces on her kiddie table. FML
Today, the woman giving me a manicure found a booger under one of my fingernails. FML
Today, on the first day of my nanny job, I wanted to impress my employers with how trustworthy and responsible I am. During the sixty seconds that I went to pee, the two-year-old found a black Sharpie and scribbled all over the wall. Nail polish remover made it ten times worse. FML
Today, I went to get my nails done for the first time in a while. I don't like to go that much because two of my toes are connected, and I'm very self-conscious about it. The man painting my toes started laughing when he saw them and called all the other employees over to look. FML
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Top comments
AlphaC 0
You have a five year old daughter. That immediately exempts you from being called gay or unmanly. You're not gay/unmanly because you have neon-green fingernails. You're a parent of a five year old daughter. Cheer up, it's not THAT bad.
justme001 0
Hey, it means you participate in your kid's life. Good for you, eff anyone who would say otherwise.
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Comments (321)
tushu 0
LOL #8 especially fml
snavula 0
#3, can you tell me how its not an FML? Dumbass.. OP, thats hilarious, just a run of bad luck, at least we know you're a good parent so no one can bitch about that.
rustyrox 0
SuperDad! Very sweet
flor1dagator7 0
As long as ur daughter is happy u can't complain
ohhboyy 0
lmfao that's cute! you shoud've talked with a lisp just to be a good thport =P
Silent_Harmony 3
Good for you! It's the little things she'll remember when she's older. It's not an FML
pownednoob 0
First
whimsical_fml 0
Aw, youre the best dad ever! When I was real little my father would let me paint his nails and give him "purdie hair dos" with all my girlie clips. That's the best ever, you'll be that little girl's favorite forever.
NoneOfTheAbove 0
Maybe they thought you looked like a pritty princess?
effyourlife_ 0
#8.. so, 40 year olds are supposed to be banned from the internet? grow up.