Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my family. It was going well until my 23 year-old sister started telling him in detail about her constipation, and that if she doesn't take a shit in a few days, it's going to come out of her mouth. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML
Today, I brought my boyfriend over to meet the family. After several long moments of silence, one of my sisters burst out laughing, and asked, "Okay, who is this guy really?" FML
Today, I had my boyfriend come over for dinner for the first time. It was all going well until my dad started explaining to my boyfriend how to use toilet paper. He even demonstrated it. FML
Today, I was introduced to my boyfriend's family at a family reunion for the first time. As I sat on the couch, his 4 year-old sister comes in and jumps onto my lap. For a moment I was happy to think his sister liked me, only to hear her say, "You're fat! I like fat things." FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents. Right when I arrived, his little sister said, "She's a lot fatter than you said!" FML
Today, while at a family get together, my bowels suddenly decided they needed to be emptied. Straight away. I felt bad enough using someone else's bathroom for this, but later, my sister came in and loudly said "God, Brian, what the hell have you been eating?" in front of everyone at the get together. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML
Today, my brother met my girlfriend for the first time. Instead of making a good first impression, the first thing he did was talk about how he just took a massive dump and didn't wipe very well, and that's why his hand smelled bad. FML
Today, I was at home with slight constipation, so I took two laxatives. That's when my boyfriend called me, saying his parents are in town and want to have dinner tonight, this being the first time I've met them. I've already been on the toilet five times. FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my sister, but they already knew each other from my sister's work. She's an exotic dancer. FML
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Top comments
Llamassss 21
At least you know he won't be attracted to your sister.
hamncheeseinit 6
Wow she's such a potty mouth
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Comments (121)
ninjuh_wingman 29
Seriously what were you guys talking about that this would come up in conversation?
TraceCase_ 19
Some people feel the need to make their bodily functions a part of EVERY conversation.
RedPillSucks 33
tell her not to give you any of her shit.
ImOlivia 5
I see what you did there (:
hemz_fml 13
Really? Not your brother?
twofirstnames 12
That's shitty of her to do
heavymetalman1 0
well..... did it??
CopeStraight 3
Your sis sounds like a bro
krysxkatastrophe 14
Hey. People like honesty.
badactor009 0
Don't confuse honesty with inappropriate behavior.
Omfgitsmia 15
I want to know what his response was lol
Calyx_fml 22
It sounds like it already was.
melikeyturtles 3
Maybe she hates your boyfriend and is trying to chase him away. Better ways to do it instead of making herself look stupid.