Today, I thought my boyfriend was kidding when he said he'd dump me if I actually ate pineapple on pizza. I ordered it. I ate it. I'm now single. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was eating pizza with my boyfriend and my friends. I was laughing and talking and went for another piece when my boyfriend grabbed my wrist and said that I had had enough. My friends all backed him up. FML
Today, I'm getting over a nasty breakup, and decided to treat myself and order a pizza online. After waiting 45 minutes, I checked the site. Turns out, I'd forgotten to change the address on the site. I sent my ex a free pizza. FML
Today, my boyfriend wouldn’t stop smacking and slurping his food. I told him to at least chew with his mouth closed. He looked me dead in the eye, with a mouth full of chewed up pizza, and said, “No.” FML
Today, I stole a bite of my boyfriend's hamburger. He threw a fit, saying I took too big a bite and I had to replace it with a new, more expensive one. Afterwards, he said how lucky I was he didn't break up with me then and there. FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me by throwing my stuff out of his place, and accusing me of cheating while yelling, "Cheater, cheater! Pumpkin eater!" When I tried explaining that I have no clue what he's talking about, he started exclaiming, "Liar, liar! Pants on fire!" FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I order meat well done. He's the third guy to do this. Just the thought of eating undercooked meat makes me gag. FML
Today, I discovered my boyfriend gets lunch every day at Burger King. I confronted him, and he broke up with me. Apparently, he only pretended to be vegan like me to get in my pants, and now the jig is up he dumped me so he can return to having meat at all three meals of the day. FML
Today, I leaned in to kiss my boyfriend goodnight at the door. He smiled sweetly, cupped my cheek… and then used his other hand to pull the last slice of pizza out of my hand and slam the door shut. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Why? Because I became a vegetarian. Apparently, he doesn't believe in "not eating meat." FML
Today, I found out I was pregnant. I told my boyfriend, who held me and promised it'd be alright, and he'd never leave me. One sandwich later, he'd forgotten about the whole thing, and dumped me when I reminded him. FML
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Top comments
DetroitDov 35
Wouldn't want to date someone who would break up over something like that anyway.
Notamusedanymore 17
What a child.
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Comments (28)
real life problems 26
Pineapple on pizza? That's worse than opening a bag of chips upside down.
Dr_Jackal 16
Well what was he supposed to do?
tounces7 28
Good riddance to a man-child.
zuckerburg 21
Unfortunately, in my experience, when someone says something trivial will make them break up with you, they secretly want to break up with you but don't know how. You gave him his out. Now you can move on to someone that is SO in love with you that you melt into a puddle every time they touch your hand. Swipe that tinder!
Rsonicgamer 12
"Someone SO in love with you they melt into a puddle [... ] . Swipe that Tinder !" Either that's a sarcasm with just a tad too much subtlety, or that's a very big unvoluntary oxymoron. Either way, it's funny !
nonameDE 11
At least he warns you 😏😂
tr3yr 13
He was looking for a way out before this. This just was the quickest and first reason he could get out with. Move on and find a REAL man.
chosha_fml 27
Have a pizza place write IDIOT on a pizza in pineapple and have it delivered to his house.
dwight7476 11
He did you a favor
interesting33 37
His reaction was ridiculous and you deserve way better! I am wondering though if he perhaps said it flippantly but then realised you were eating it and felt you wanted to break up with him as you were doing it? or felt unvalued or unappreciated as his threat was happily tested.Maubw he didn't realise you knew it was a joke? I just thinking out loud though, that is a ridiculous reason to break up with someone, which makes me think there's something more behind it.
Kristoffer 35
You're better off without him.