Today, my mom was snooping around my room, and found the unopened box of glow in the dark condoms I bought myself year ago. She laughed and said, "No takers yet, eh?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother found condoms in my room. She asked why and I said, "Just in case." She started laughing hysterically. FML
Today, my mom cleaned up my room. I had a drawer filled with condoms, 2 vibrators, and a bondage kit. She organized the condoms and vibrators in a shoe box. FML
Today, my mom stole the condoms out of my room and gave them to my little brother because I "won't be needing them anytime soon". FML
Today, my parents found my box of condoms. I'm 20, so it's no big deal, and they commended my responsibility. What they don't know is I don't talk to any girls, and I bought those condoms to jerk off into. FML
Today, my mom barged into my room, threw 5 boxes of condoms at me, then said, "So you don't get pregnant". She still hasn't accepted the fact that I'm a lesbian. FML
Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's mom for the first time. She pulls out a freezer bag full of condoms and says "I have some cooler ones upstairs, if you want his penis to glow in the dark." FML
Today, my mom found a condom in my pocket while doing my laundry. Instead of having the subsequent discussion about the birds and the bees my mother simply asked "Who would have sex with you?" FML
Today, I gave my mom a shirt as a birthday present. Apparently, she already had the exact same shirt, so asked me for the receipt so she could return it and get a different one. When she read the receipt, she grounded me. I forgot I bought a box of condoms when I bought the shirt. FML
Today, I walked into the laundry room when my mom pulled a condom wrapper out of my pants pocket. She looked at me and said, "You know you can't wash and reuse these?" FML
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Top comments
89jessica 0
I have two words for you: Lightsaber battles.
explodingmuffint 0
You should have told her you took up drugs instead.
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Comments (129)
dftbAlexlike 0
Well of course, OP is Canadian.
dramayall 0
Yes Canadians suck
nissanman_fml 16
It's no wonder why the world hates Americans.
kingfin88 0
who has sex in the dark???
jsmathwiz 2
Why was your mom "snooping" in the first place? That's a complete violation of privacy.
carcinogan 0
because unlike for you to understand..they pay all the bills, rent, mortgage or whatever. they have the right to know what's going on inside the house.
UpsidedownKayak 9
Eh, then it's aboot time for you to go out talk to people. You can't meet them sitting in your room.
annigotammo 1
glow in the dark?! that's just weird and awkward
erkasaurusrexx 0
And turtle strikes again. XD
OCDC 9
Blow them up to make glow in the dark ballons and throw a party. Who knows, you might get laid.
instnt1nfction 17
CHOKE ON IT
ZachMitch1994 0
just tell her that those are the new box bc you ran out playing star wars light saber battles in the middle of the night with yourself.
xmarkstheheart 0
It's called a ******* lock. Get one for your door. Nosy people can **** off! FYL.