Today, out of boredom, I decided to dye my hair. I clumsily spilled some of the purple dye on my chest and shoulders. My insane mother is convinced the marks are hickeys I got from sneaking out and having sex with a boyfriend I don’t even have. She won’t listen, and I’m grounded for a month. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom noticed the hickey that I have on my neck. Embarrassed, I tried convincing her that I burnt myself using a hair straightener. She then told me that that's the same excuse she told my grandma when she got a hickey. FML
Today, I decided I wanted to bleach my hair, so I asked my mother for help. Apparently, something went wrong, because clumps of my hair started falling out. Now I'm half blonde and half bald, and my mom is just laughing at me. FML
Today, my mom was feeling down because of her gray hairs. In an attempt to cheer her up, I suggested that she dye them. Her hair turned orange. FML
Today, I woke up with a hangover from last night. Last night, I snuck out and went to a party at a club. To hide my hangover, I cleaned myself up and walked into the kitchen to get a drink. My mother looked at me and said, "What's that on your wrist?" I'd forgotten I'd left the wristband on from the club. I'm already grounded. FML
Today, I dyed my hair. It was all going well, until I forgot I had a head full of product and scratched an itch. I didn't realise my mistake until later, and now have to replace my six-month old sofa because it has a huge stain that alternates from purple to bleach. FML
Today, I left a concert with my drunk mother who had spilled beer all over my shirt. I drove her home and she slept it off. Later, my mom "found" my shirt in the laundry and grounded me for drinking behind her back. She won't believe me that it was her. FML
Today, I decided I wanted to dye my hair a medium brown. Little did I know, some jerk switched the hair dye boxes. My hair is now bright orange. FML
Today, I decided to bleach my hair but then my mom got mad and put my hair in a bun after helping bleach it. Mind you, it is currently blonde orange and black and I don't think it worked, and my hair is fried. FML
Today, my son got drunk and managed to colour in my bald patch with permanent marker while I was asleep. It’s super noticeable and I look like a complete prat. Plus in a few hours, I’m supposed to be on my first date since my divorce 12 years ago. FML
Today, my mother accused me of being a drama queen when I screamed as she stepped on my foot. I was barefoot and she was wearing boots. One of my toes is swelling and turning purple. FML
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Top comments
Marcella1016 32
She didn’t notice your purple hair? Sorry she’s so over the top. I suggest you put the dye on your skin in front of her and show her. Maybe she’ll figure it out and un-ground you. She seems genuinely crazy though that’s a huge stretch.
tounces7 28
The fact that your mother couldn't even manage to tell the difference between a huge purple spill, and a hickey, just shows how extremely far that stick is up her ass.
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Comments (8)
Marcella1016 32
She didn’t notice your purple hair? Sorry she’s so over the top. I suggest you put the dye on your skin in front of her and show her. Maybe she’ll figure it out and un-ground you. She seems genuinely crazy though that’s a huge stretch.
alex_jaguara 33
If a boyfriend is a reason to ground you, tell her she won't have grandchildren.
tounces7 28
The fact that your mother couldn't even manage to tell the difference between a huge purple spill, and a hickey, just shows how extremely far that stick is up her ass.
AmbrosiaFan 19
So wash it off with her watching...
raven_of_azarath 35
That’s not how dye works.
leximichelle 13
When you dye or bleach your hair, coat any covered skin with coconut oil or petroleum jelly to protect your skin. Also, she cray.
foxyladyalias 2
Oh hi Karen.. 😵