Sex and Intimacy: Oh yessss

Oh yessss

By Anonymous - 29/07/2011 07:24 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex, and it was my first time being on top. I got so into it that when I went to put my hands on the wall for support, the shelf above my bed snapped, with my favorite little cactus falling onto his face. FML

agreeclassic 42 811

vote type 1 10 737

Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Similar FMLs

Sexy!

By troubleintoyland - 24/12/2010 03:03 - United States

Today, my fiancé and I attempted to have sex in my childhood bedroom. As we were falling onto the bed, I smacked my head on the wall, which caused a shelf of stuffed toys to fall onto the bed. Not only did it kill the mood, the shelf also hit me in the face. FML

agreeclassic 28 883

vote type 1 9 580

Sensitive snowflake

By onepussytwopussy - 07/03/2014 19:47 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML

agreeclassic 49 450

vote type 1 26 543

By Anonymous - 22/01/2012 18:06 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I shared our first kiss. When I leaned in on him, he fell over backwards and smashed his head against the floor. FML

agreeclassic 29 640

vote type 1 4 105

By Anonymous - 06/01/2011 06:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting it on. My boyfriend noticed that every time I'm about to climax, I hit my head on something. Whether it's a wall or his face. FML

agreeclassic 28 504

vote type 1 6 156

Heartless swine

By Anonymous - 15/09/2015 05:56 - United States

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, I got up to get some water. When I stood up, I fell straight to the ground, my legs were so weak. As I fell, I hit my head on the end table and knocked myself unconscious. My boyfriend laughed at me. FML

agreeclassic 31 048

vote type 1 4 396

By Darcy - 26/10/2011 06:58 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He passionately laid me down onto the bed, both of us fully naked. Pressing down on my shoulder, he ended up dislocating it. The pain made me pee myself. FML

agreeclassic 47 608

vote type 1 4 590

By fungettingdressed - 12/10/2010 12:57 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my fingers got stuck between the wall and headboard. Screaming, he thought I was enjoying the sex and kept going even harder. I have 3 broken fingers. FML

agreeclassic 51 991

vote type 1 9 102

Major romcom vibes

By staciedee - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be cute to try and pick me up while kissing, instead he tripped and slammed the back of my head on the corner of the wall. FML

agreeclassic 35 601

vote type 1 5 037

Sick moves, dude

By Anonymous - 02/09/2009 09:20 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a shower together for the first time. He was trying impress me and did some sort of dance move, he slipped, and when he fell he kicked my leg out causing me to fall and hit my face on the faucet. FML

agreeclassic 32 420

vote type 1 4 245

By Anonymous - 07/11/2010 22:00 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when I lifted myself up a little bit. What I was not prepared for was my boyfriend leaning down to kiss my neck. We collided heads, hard. FML

agreeclassic 24 987

vote type 1 6 547

coltsrock37 15

Friday 29 July 2011 16:10

that'll spike up his sex drive

dre_bro11 12

Friday 29 July 2011 16:09

ouch! three-way with the cactus?

Comments

zickes 0

Sunday 31 July 2011 5:28

how long was it till you noticed it was there?

NYBellz 0

Sunday 31 July 2011 6:34

aw ... I almost killed mine in a shower when medal shelf came down but he jumped up n we went back at it ... u both will learn

AyaTan_fml 5

Monday 1 August 2011 0:27

F His Life T_T

harmonyrulez 0

Monday 1 August 2011 7:56

And that, children, is why we don't put potentially dangerous objects above our beds.... Try a stuffed animal or something.

Jlexym 3

Tuesday 2 August 2011 5:55

Lmao!!

RyanA7X77 0

Tuesday 2 August 2011 7:12

Today, this FML gave me the fantastic idea of the "Cactus *****". This is the greatest invention I've ever created. FML

baccaz16 0

Tuesday 2 August 2011 8:33

If it were me I wouldn't have even noticed the cactus...

Leebra 6

Tuesday 2 August 2011 10:32

Did you keep going?

hazumu_fml 8

Tuesday 2 August 2011 14:55

Painful sex for a man...

krazieboi 0

Tuesday 2 August 2011 16:49

thats a bitch

VDM sur Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I found out that having a "praise kink" is apparently not normal. I didn't even know that was a thing. I thought wanting validation was something that applied to everyone. How comforting it is to know that regularly seeking approval from others is considered abnormal. My mental health is real messed up. FML

agreeclassic 417

vote type 1 188

Today, I used a fire extinguisher for the first time. Too bad it was on my car. FML

agreeclassic 30 308

vote type 1 3 569

Today, as I was mowing my neighbor's lawn, I found the Playboy magazine he'd left in his yard. I found it with the mower. I spent the next hour picking up little shards of naked women for no extra pay. FML

agreeclassic 34 369

vote type 1 7 071

Today, while my mother-in-law visited, I asked if she wouldn't mind watching my son for 10 minutes as I had run out of baby shampoo. I came back home to see she had shaved his head completely bald. That was his very first haircut. FML

agreeclassic 39 659

vote type 1 3 277

Today, I had to use the bathroom really badly in a drug store. After I did a #2, just as I realized the handle on the toilet was broken, a knock came at the door. I tried fixing it for ten minutes, before slipping out the door, to come face to face with two employees coming to fix the toilet. FML

agreeclassic 28 889

vote type 1 2 790

Today, while finishing shopping with my kids, my female best friend and I were accosted by a street preacher. He screamed that we were an abomination, having biracial children was a sin against nature, and that we were ruining America. Not only we are not gay, he made my kids cry. FML

agreeclassic 1 904

vote type 1 352