Today, my husband is completely convinced that his taking a massive dump after being constipated is exactly like the time I gave birth to our twins. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML
Today, I figured out why my doctor repeatedly warned me to keep regular bowel movements while I recover from childbirth. I now have an anal fissure. It's like giving birth all over again. FML
Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML
Today, my husband's five days of constipation came to an abrupt end when he woke up, farted, tried to dash to the bathroom but didn’t make it in time. He then proceeded to drop a log on the hallway carpet over a foot long, as thick as a can of Lynx antiperspirant. FML
Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML
Today, I'm constipated AND having diarrhea at the same time. It feels like I'm going to explode. FML
Today, my husband decided he needs to be thanked after every time he changes our daughter's diaper; if not he throws a temper tantrum. Now I have two babies to deal with. FML
Today, my husband and I shared a chinese prawn dinner. I now have the most violent shits I’ve ever experienced in my life. He is completely fine and keeps rubbing it in my face by being able to eat his meals without throwing them up. FML
Today, during labor, I farted every time I pushed with very deep sounds. I was so ashamed. I pushed so hard, I pooped and splashed the nurse in front of me right in the face. Everyone stopped laughing and the nurse didn’t talk until baby came. When my husband called my in-laws, it’s the first thing he told them. FML
Today, I've had such bad constipation during my fourth pregnancy that I have now had to manually scoop the poop out of my ass to get things moving again. FML
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Top comments
snafu57 1
tell him to shit two bowling balls and then come back and report
shenanighenz 0
Sometimes when I get really gassy and take a bad poop it gives me flashbacks to giving birth. So I don't think he's that far off.
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Comments (186)
MotherRussia 0
let's find the pregnant man and ask him.
LilaBear 2
except he wasn't a man, he was a woman who got her boobs removed and started taking testosterone tablets.
startrekker 3
i have given birth twice and have been massively constipated, yeah there is no comparison. if you were talking about kidney stones, yeah i heard that hurts a great deal...
44Kevin44 0
Kidney stones suck pretty bad too, basically you're peeing a rock out of that tiny hole. I've had them and it is not fun at all.
LilaBear 2
kidney stones is the only time a man can even hope to compare his pain to childbirth.
mrfofo 0
if plucking nose hairs is comparable to birthing twins then girls have no right to complain about child birth
HeaRTs_Girl 0
So, pretty much just read the book "Misery" by Stephen King and that'll give evidence to your example. :-D
HeaRTs_Girl 0
**** you. Ignorant people say stupid things, no matter how old they are. So don't give the 15-year-old crap, okay?
Juuuu_fml 0
Yah cuz babies totally come out of your ass....
ChibiChibi_fml 28
I have no opinion either way on this particular subject except that I would like to know how you can say for sure whether being tortured, having your leg cut off, or being shot in the stomach hurts worse than either of those things. I'd imagine that being tortured might but I'd say with the other two it would be dependent on the person and the situation. This is one of those things that a person can't really compare without speaking to several one legged women who have given birth and several one legged men who have been kicked in the balls. Then going to speak to several women who have been shot in the stomach and have given birth and several men who have been shot in the stomach and been kicked in the balls. I must note here that by several I do mean several, I don't just mean one or two because that isn't really a wide enough study group.
blamecanadaa 0
ahhhhahaha
AmeOwl 0
Maybe if he'd pooped out a baby...