Today, my husband is completely convinced that his taking a massive dump after being constipated is exactly like the time I gave birth to our twins. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML
Today, I figured out why my doctor repeatedly warned me to keep regular bowel movements while I recover from childbirth. I now have an anal fissure. It's like giving birth all over again. FML
Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML
Today, my husband's five days of constipation came to an abrupt end when he woke up, farted, tried to dash to the bathroom but didn’t make it in time. He then proceeded to drop a log on the hallway carpet over a foot long, as thick as a can of Lynx antiperspirant. FML
Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML
Today, I'm constipated AND having diarrhea at the same time. It feels like I'm going to explode. FML
Today, my husband decided he needs to be thanked after every time he changes our daughter's diaper; if not he throws a temper tantrum. Now I have two babies to deal with. FML
Today, my husband and I shared a chinese prawn dinner. I now have the most violent shits I’ve ever experienced in my life. He is completely fine and keeps rubbing it in my face by being able to eat his meals without throwing them up. FML
Today, during labor, I farted every time I pushed with very deep sounds. I was so ashamed. I pushed so hard, I pooped and splashed the nurse in front of me right in the face. Everyone stopped laughing and the nurse didn’t talk until baby came. When my husband called my in-laws, it’s the first thing he told them. FML
Today, I've had such bad constipation during my fourth pregnancy that I have now had to manually scoop the poop out of my ass to get things moving again. FML
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Top comments
snafu57 1
tell him to shit two bowling balls and then come back and report
shenanighenz 0
Sometimes when I get really gassy and take a bad poop it gives me flashbacks to giving birth. So I don't think he's that far off.
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Comments (186)
ipath5 0
why are you writing this! what a waste!
cucumberfabulous 7
What about the guy who gave birth to a baby? Wait.... he doesn't have testicles does he? Oh, never mind....
thatevilguy666 0
your husband is a retard. have a nice day
girlslikeboyz 0
Im no where near old enough to be able to have a baby and care for it considering im only a teen but I can imagine that you having twins hurts WAY more then him using the bathroom.....
mochi721 0
There's no way he can compare taking a dump to childbirth. Besides, it's not like women can't experience immense constipation. He's just being an insensitive ass. My mom told me labor pains are like being stabbed by knives over and over again. He's got to joking.
anonymouskid35 0
dude you can't even compare pain. you have to feel them both to know which one hurt worse.
oliviaxmarie 0
okay, does anyone know the real reason why pregnancy hurts so bad? well for one im sure its pretty painful to shoved a 7-10 pound baby out of your ******, and really are you gonna take a 7-10 pound and 12 inch long shit? no but the worst part of giving birth, is your cervix, having to stretch to the width of a baby oh yeah, our cervix's are about the tip of a pencil wide, un-dilated, idiots
Kellmaster36 0
apparently I went around askin woman how it felt to give birth they all responded "it's like ******** out a watermelon"
fanficbug 1
TMI (you have been warned), but . . . since I've both had an anal fissure from constipation and gone through childbirth, I can definitively say that childbirth hurts worse than pooping. And don't give me that crap about how a woman's ****** is designed to stretch, I had to have a third-degree episiotomy and the forceps used and still almost had an emergency C-section . . . for a 7.12 lb baby. Frankly the two events are not even comparable since labor lasts for HOURS and is intensely painful the entire time, while pooping lasts a great deal less. I agree OP, FYL.
fanficbug 1
Also, before someone points this out, I want to say that this FML is less about what hurts more and more about respect. Giving birth is not something that should be taken so lightly as "oh, I took a massive dump today, that's just like giving birth to twins!" I mean seriously? This guy is seriously comparing something that often requires major anaesthesia that doesn't completely get rid of the pain to a little-bit-out-of-the-ordinary bathroom trip?
hunteryager 18
Lol chill the **** out.
hennybaby 0
it does suck, but I still can't help but laugh :p