Today, I found out that eating too much cheese really can cause nightmares. I had a cheese sandwich before bed and woke up later to the nightmarish sight of my mother-in-law standing over me with a suitcase. She had a big argument with her husband and wants to stay with us for a few weeks. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my family had an argument with me because I bought the wrong kind of cheese. They never said what kind they wanted. The argument ended with my mother saying that she wished she could kill herself, because of how horrible of a person I am. FML
Today, I got home from work and was immediately greeted by my wife following me around, moaning and complaining endlessly. I got so fed up that I went into the fridge, cut some cheese, and gave it to her, saying, "Some cheese to go with the whine." She broke the plate over my head. It was worth it. FML
Today, I went to work. All day, all I wanted to eat was my favorite cheese, which was waiting for me at home. I came home and someone had eaten it, then put the empty wrapper back in the fridge. FML
Today, a neighbor came by while I was cooking. She asked for some of my cheese, so I gave her a big slice and told her I only had cheddar. She angrily refused to accept the slice, and made her way to my fridge. She then yelled at me for not having an assortment of cheeses. FML
Today, I had to pick my parents up from the hospital and drive them back home, after they were treated for eating large amounts of cheese that my dad claimed to have "aged" for several years. FML
Today, I had a dream in which I was eating vast quantities of pizza, cookies, and pastries. I became so anxious about all the calories that I woke up. Even in my dreams I'm self conscious about my diet. FML
Today, I came back to my dorm to find my roommate forgot to get rid of her massive amounts of cheese before break. She did, however, remember to unplug the refrigerator. FML
Today, my family and I discovered that my sleepwalking has escalated into sleep-raiding-the-fridge, after I woke up on my kitchen floor in a puddle of melted ice cream, surrounded by my parents, brother, and dogs. Apparently my recent dieting plans aren't going over too well with my subconscious. FML
Today, I let out the most vile, nose-melting dairy curdling fart of my life. The sound didn’t wake me up. But the nightmare I had from how rank smelling it was sure did. My own fart ruined my sleep. FML
Today, I woke up sweating and gasping for air after having a terrible nightmare. The nightmare involved my deceased mother-in-law bitching me out for being a bad influence on her daughter and threatening to cut my nuts off. Even in death, she won't leave me be. FML
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Top comments
Phillycheeze 20
So Holiday Inn Express is all booked up? If your mother in law moves in, It will be the end of your marriage and walking around in your shorts around the house
Linz645 19
Hopefully it was a nightmare and not real
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Comments (10)
darkshadus 10
How big was that cheese sandwich?
Phillycheeze 20
So Holiday Inn Express is all booked up? If your mother in law moves in, It will be the end of your marriage and walking around in your shorts around the house
RichardPencil 32
The cheese caused you to fart in your sleep so badly, your wife called her mom. This woke up her husband and caused the fight that brought her to your house. Therefore, cheese eaten late causes nightmares. QED
Linz645 19
Hopefully it was a nightmare and not real
ACCOUNTKILLER 18
If your spouse offered to have her there without consulting you first, you need to have a serious talk. If MIL invited herself over, get her out of your home. You need to have some stronger boundaries with your MIL if she's entered your room without permission while you're sleeping. Neither of you have an obligation to offer her a place to stay.
Virids 13
Way to put someone on the spot, in-law.
TumblrweedPasses 11
Put your foot down You aren't a bed and breakfast for months on end
Charlie Given 28
Umm wow anyone who does not understand simple boundaries is either a moron or an asshole,my mother-in-law had keys to our house but would never enter without letting us know and why and would never come into our bedroom when we were sleeping even if it was an emergency she would at least knock on the door first if we hadn't answered the doorbell 🙄😒