Today, my parents actually kicked me into the back garden and made me sit outside for an hour so they could have sex without having to worry about me hearing them go at each other like a pair of 15-stone rabbits hopped up on Viagra. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad overheard me and my girlfriend having a very personal conversation. His response was to burst into the room and ground me for a month for failing to get her to orgasm the last 3 times we had sex. FML
Today, my parents think it's so hot outside that it's okay for them to work in the garden naked. FML
Today, my mum and dad decided that now I’m 18 they’re not gonna sneak around in their own house anymore. So now, when they’re in the mood, they just run past me giggling, hands all over each other, upstairs, and I can hear them up there. FML
Today, my parents had a loud argument over who is worse in bed. FML
Today, I went to visit my parents. Dad went on a religious tirade, and Mum got sick of him and pelted a Brazil nut at his head. Dad then lost his shit, and told Mum to go to her room and pray. I now remember why I moved out of home in the first place. FML
Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML
Today, my parents had a huge fight because my mom found out my dad was cheating on her. They screamed for half an hour. Right in the middle of my wedding. FML
Today, I was bitched out at 2 a.m. by my parents, for trying to "sneak out." I was sneaking out of my bedroom to take a crap. FML
Today, my parents dragged me along to a family soccer game. I got so bored watching a bunch of grown men practically buttfucking each other between kicking balls around the field, that I fell asleep. I woke up a few hours later to an empty field and had to walk five miles back home. FML
Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML
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Top comments
Bogrbon 27
I mean, generally it’s better to come up with a pretext, rather than be direct about it. Our favorite is to send the kid to walk the dog for half an hour or so. (Without saying really why) Keeps both of them out of our hair, gets him away from a screen and some exercise, and makes the dog happy. Let your parents live a little.
Dale Gulley 8
Could be worse, they could be divorced...
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Comments (12)
Bogrbon 27
I mean, generally it’s better to come up with a pretext, rather than be direct about it. Our favorite is to send the kid to walk the dog for half an hour or so. (Without saying really why) Keeps both of them out of our hair, gets him away from a screen and some exercise, and makes the dog happy. Let your parents live a little.
Inkoseh 33
I feel bad as OP is probably a teen and can't go anywhere, but the parents are also ******* stuck at home with a teen who won't LEAVE even for a walk! I don't think the parents said why, but that OP surmised it was so they could do it. (And he/she probably heard them). Want to not get stuck in that kind of situation? Take regular walks for at least 30 minutes a day. You and your parents get exercise, and you don't have to hear them! Win win win!
Ambrily 27
Kinda hard to do if you live in one of the countries that got locked down for the pandemic.
Dale Gulley 8
Could be worse, they could be divorced...
Shzusuziq 16
So what? Do you think people stop having sex when they hit a certain age? Give them some privacy once in awhile.
Chris Cowperthwait 4
maybe you should leave the house more often?
guitarherogeek 22
More of an fml for your parents that they can’t get laid in their own house 😱
Jillian Cosby-Kelly 15
You are kidding, right? You're complaining that they wanted some alone time together? That they're still in love? That they understand a child will not die sitting outside for an hour? It's quarantine. You've all been stuck together a while, and it seems like it'll never end. They deserve to have some fun without worrying you'll hear it. Alternatively, WOULD YOU RATHER THEY JUST GO CRAZY AND NOT CARE WHAT YOU HEAR? That's what my parents did. You should have done something good with this opportunity, not whine and complain that your parents love and respect each other and you.
Hangryko 32
YDI. Your parents love you, but their lives can't revolve around you forever. They need space once in a while to reconnect as a couple. It's not as if they kicked you out indefinitely and you're safe where you are, so give them a break.
Baby_123 8
They should just tell you to go outside and get some exercise and be less confrontational and direct
sickerthanyou 13
It could be worst, they could ask you to be their cameraman