Today, I was giving my guy a blowjob. When he blurted out, "Oh Jesus" I assumed I was doing a good job. I looked up to see the expression on his face and noticed a look of terror. He was staring at my growling cat, two seconds away from clawing his face off. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as I was about to orgasm while my boyfriend was giving me oral sex, I tightened my grip on his hair and began shouting his name. He stopped, looked up at me, and said, "What?" FML
Today, while in the middle of giving my husband a blow job, I looked up to see him staring into space and vigorously picking his nose. FML
Today, I was getting one of the best blow jobs I have ever received. My girlfriend was getting into it when I heard an "uh oh". Her tongue ring got twisted around the hair close to my balls. She started to pull, I started to scream. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML
Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend oral sex when he pulled away without warning. As I looked up at him to see what was wrong, he screamed "JUSTICE RAINS FROM ABOVE!" and shot his load in my eyes. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today, I overheard my boyfriend bragging to his friend about finally giving me an orgasm yesterday, but that he got scared because my orgasm face made me look like "a camel having a stroke." FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a blowjob. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "What's that thing at the back of your throat called?" FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job, he was twitching and moving around and saying "oh yeah" then he said "take that bitch". I looked up to see he was only excited about how he is domination in Call of Duty 4. FML
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Top comments
felidsentry 17
He'll never look at a pussy the same way again.
hunny797 5
Was that a threesome??
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Comments (109)
FuckYouScience12 8
haha
loveashlley 6
There's a button for that.
ShyAnn29 15
There's a button for laughing? I only thought there was buttons for thumbs up, thumbs down, FYL, or YDI.
perdix 31
What do you do with your cat that he doesn't want you blowing other men?
sugarshane007 20
Perhaps the cat is the only one that's allowed to cough up a hairball.
ManInTheMachine 20
...?
skyeyez9 25
The cat is the alpha and very possessive of his person.
123man 11
It's odd that you would name your cat "Jesus."
123man 11
@54 - It's called humor. My joke clearly made sense in the context of the FML. You can think it's not funny, but why would it make me stupid? I fear you may have a stick in your butt. (Not that there's anything wrong with that!)
Thebroskii 11
Sarcasm is not easily noticed through text.
chanellgymnast 17
Was the cat grumpy?
ethereana 2
cat: what ya waiting for bro I'm telling you get to buisness or ill beat you silly. tramslation* growl! Guy: what the!? cat: I'm gonna go ape on you!. you getting some and I'm sitting here watching. take it from me I may be 5 years old but IV been around the block. translated growl! growl* Guy: hun your cat gonna attack me! girl: shoo fluffy! shoo cat: humans cant learn from us animals how to make love to think I'm obedient to her. translates: hiss* girl: throws ball of yarn out door* cat: damn it! chases ball of yarn* girl: shuts door* cat: damn it fooled again!
Pleonasm 36
What manner of bullshit was this?
j_cat187 20
#41 Are you the terrible writer with the half star review?
LarryLaDouche 13
0/10 would not fap again
pedinhuh 23
Thats why I don't have cats anymore. everytime it seems like they are plotting a new plan against me...
onedirectionxx 8
Is your cat's name Jesus?
onedirectionxx 8
wait.. not what I was going for.. Sorry guys
j_cat187 20
It's cool man, we'll bury you so now one has to read it.
DarkJediLove 19
I am impressed that even with danger looking him in the eye, he didn't make any motion to stop you!
zilla52 12
the cat wanted next
sugarbear0727 19
That ia too funny. My boyfriends dog is kinda like that. She growls at me every time I'm close to him. If he hugs me or kisses me, she barks like crazy. She's never attacked me though.
akiahara 14
She needs training.