Today, I was sitting in my car outside my apartment complex when a man came around the corner holding something shiny, and I thought was a gun. Thinking I was about to get robbed at gunpoint, I bugged out and threw up. It was a silver watering can. He asked if I was okay. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my family and I were parking downtown when my sister yelled to watch out for a man approaching our car. I see him pull something from his pocket. I yell "It's a knife, don't roll down the window!" It was a pen, he was the parking attendant and the window was already rolled down. FML
Today, after I got in my car in the Walmart parking lot, a creepy man knocked on my window. Since I'm incredibly paranoid and scare easily, I put my car in gear and tore out of there, accidentally hitting another car. Apparently he was returning my phone that I dropped. FML
Today, as I walked into the bank, I tripped and bumped into a security guard. He thought I was assaulting him, so he pinned me to the floor and called for backup as he held me at gunpoint. FML
Today, I was dogsitting at my friend's house and accidentally left my car door unlocked because I was running in to drop off my interview clothes. I came back outside to see a homeless man in my driver's seat, rummaging. I had to fight him. He was terrified. I couldn’t stop shaking for hours after. FML
Today, I was leaving a campus parking garage. Suddenly, a huge man appeared behind me and kept saying "HEY!" "STOP!" In a gruff voice. I picked up my pace and so did he. I finally turned to him with a can of mace and threatened to use it. He was trying to return the $5 bill I dropped. FML
Today, while I was walking home from work, it started to rain. Clutching my bag in one hand, I started to run so I wouldn't get too wet. I saw a man running towards me and all of a sudden he tackled me to the ground. He thought I had stolen someone's handbag. FML
Today, I pissed my pants in fear for the first time. Was I at a spooky haunted house? Nope, I turned a corner and got startled by a parked car. FML
Today, I was walking from my office to the place I had parked my car, a distance of approximately three blocks. As I was about to round the last corner, I was forced to dive out of the way of a speeding car. When I looked up, I noticed that it was my car. FML
Today, I was pulled over by a cop. He asked for my license and registration, so I reached for my center console. I was then greeted with a gun to my ear because my coffee cup supposedly looked like a gun. I stepped out of my car to apologize, and I was hit with a big stick. FML
Today, I stopped by the gun store to pick up a new concealed weapon for protection. As I was leaving the store, a man came up behind me, hit me with a crowbar, and stole my gun. FML
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Top comments
poindextrr 2
sounds like you live in the ideal neighbourhood!!!
Techtacular 0
Now if that was really a gun, is your defense still puking?
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Comments (104)
poindextrr 2
sounds like you live in the ideal neighbourhood!!!
RocketNinjaFish 12
why were you sitting there anyway? at least it wasn't a gun.
PYLrulz 17
2 - Could have been getting ready to pull out and drive somewhere, could of just came back from somewhere and hadn't gotten out of the car, or was looking for something in the car.
Rachel1987 4
The neighborhood doesn't matter. The great thing about cars is that they move maybe just a little faster than someone who may possibly rob you........
ApologyKick 25
Ok 17, you get me a car that can go faster than a bullet.
jisaac09 25
Naturally anyone wanting to rob you would instinctively shoot at you if you attempt to flee in a vehicle. The point of most robberies is your money and/or material possessions, usually not your life. But I do agree with people saying OP over reacted. I carry a gun every day (going to get some down votes for that), that doesn't mean I am interested in robbing someone. And that definitely does not mean I think every shiny piece of metal is a weapon meant to harm me. Being from California would explain a lot of this. Not because people from California are any less/more intelligent but because the have stricter gun laws.
bestnamever 6
Overreaction...
jizzwold 21
More like ovary-action.
RussianFox 13
Don't make a bad comment worse with a terrible pun.
jizzwold 21
But this is fml. I thought the point of commenting here was to saturate the comments with horrible puns and worthless statements that add nothing.
PYLrulz 17
6 - It might work if we are talking about an FML dealing with the inner workings of a woman, so to speak
iBanana 17
Women do overreact... Alot...
runnamuk 6
6- There is nothing that says the OP was a woman. Regardless, this comment is pretty sexist for assuming that there is something inherent about a woman that would make her overreact.
ShyAnn29 15
It's better to be safe than sorry
gkings18 1
How does puking = safe?
Nerdfightersrule 11
It doesn't. OP was just nervous.
bazingabitches 17
How does a watering can look like a gun? That's what I don't get.
patrick_46 0
blahahaha
SkoomaKi 28
I find rugby tackling people who look suspicious works best...If there innocent let them go, if not get the weapon! Never tackle grannies though...I still remember that day, I'm sorry grandma it's the way you held that knife..!
ThatOneCanadian 0
please stop trying so hard
SkoomaKi 28
32 - Not trying that hard, just an unfunny comment - it happens :/
R3TROxLOV3 32
32- There's a very simple way for you to avoid any comments you don't like... Don't read them. There was no real necessity in telling him that he's trying too hard, it was just rude.
Doxy 22
I've always wondered something about that comeback. If you haven't read/watched/heard something how can you know if you like it or not? You can't avoid a comment you don't like if you don't know what it says.
blaackandprouud 20
Whoops. Accidentally thumbed it up. THUMBS DOWN. What the hell kind of comment was that?
ycrem0n 21
Well it's still something that can use the water gun attack
music_woman1 11
Maybe you should think about what you would do in a gunpoint situation, just in case
jaq_d 0
Op doesn't need to think about it they already know.
ladyLALAA 29
I hope you threw up out the window, not in the car. On the bright side, at least the man would have had water to clean it up!
bitch_pleez 10
Was the man black or Mexican? Because if so, it's slightly more reasonable why you panicked. Yes I'm against stereotyping, but I realize that many people still do it, and I'm Mexican myself, if that changes anything.
p2p_92 0
Wadup gurl
ILike_Dancing123 19
Well at least he asked if your okay.
PYLrulz 17
Mod, you can delete this, had meant it for a reply under a thread, not it's own thread
Sirin_fml 47
Bah, you can thank Baustigt for bringing out my inner alcoholic sadist.
johnnyrogers97 9
Epic comment
runnamuk 6
It’s ironic that this seemingly failed thread would elicit such a hilarious exchange. I wish I could thumb up Sirin, but you'll just have to accept Baustigt's thumbs as going for the both of you.
saksxalmo 20
Sometimes I wonder if the mods ever edit/screw with stupid comments for fun... If not, you guys should totally start. ^_^
Mortoli 30
I just hope they start with you..
br0ccoli 15
Mm...no you're wrong. It's a gun shaped like a watering can. Quick! Throw your vomit in his face for self defense! The acid will burn his eyes and give you a chance to flee.
terrask 11
Logkitty used EMESIS, it's not very effective. Man used SPLASH, Logkitty fainted.