Today, I was sitting in my car outside my apartment complex when a man came around the corner holding something shiny, and I thought was a gun. Thinking I was about to get robbed at gunpoint, I bugged out and threw up. It was a silver watering can. He asked if I was okay. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my family and I were parking downtown when my sister yelled to watch out for a man approaching our car. I see him pull something from his pocket. I yell "It's a knife, don't roll down the window!" It was a pen, he was the parking attendant and the window was already rolled down. FML
Today, after I got in my car in the Walmart parking lot, a creepy man knocked on my window. Since I'm incredibly paranoid and scare easily, I put my car in gear and tore out of there, accidentally hitting another car. Apparently he was returning my phone that I dropped. FML
Today, as I walked into the bank, I tripped and bumped into a security guard. He thought I was assaulting him, so he pinned me to the floor and called for backup as he held me at gunpoint. FML
Today, I was dogsitting at my friend's house and accidentally left my car door unlocked because I was running in to drop off my interview clothes. I came back outside to see a homeless man in my driver's seat, rummaging. I had to fight him. He was terrified. I couldn’t stop shaking for hours after. FML
Today, I was leaving a campus parking garage. Suddenly, a huge man appeared behind me and kept saying "HEY!" "STOP!" In a gruff voice. I picked up my pace and so did he. I finally turned to him with a can of mace and threatened to use it. He was trying to return the $5 bill I dropped. FML
Today, while I was walking home from work, it started to rain. Clutching my bag in one hand, I started to run so I wouldn't get too wet. I saw a man running towards me and all of a sudden he tackled me to the ground. He thought I had stolen someone's handbag. FML
Today, I pissed my pants in fear for the first time. Was I at a spooky haunted house? Nope, I turned a corner and got startled by a parked car. FML
Today, I was walking from my office to the place I had parked my car, a distance of approximately three blocks. As I was about to round the last corner, I was forced to dive out of the way of a speeding car. When I looked up, I noticed that it was my car. FML
Today, I was pulled over by a cop. He asked for my license and registration, so I reached for my center console. I was then greeted with a gun to my ear because my coffee cup supposedly looked like a gun. I stepped out of my car to apologize, and I was hit with a big stick. FML
Today, I stopped by the gun store to pick up a new concealed weapon for protection. As I was leaving the store, a man came up behind me, hit me with a crowbar, and stole my gun. FML
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Top comments
poindextrr 2
sounds like you live in the ideal neighbourhood!!!
Techtacular 0
Now if that was really a gun, is your defense still puking?
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Comments (104)
alexicanaaa 7
Wow. Some people are just so stupid. I don't even care if this gets thumbed down fifty thousand times, that person is completely stupid. Ydi.
juicifer 0
Racist. Way to go Zimmerman
perdix 31
If you were the Wicked Witch of the West, your panic would be justified. Or, a gremlin.
twisted_cherub 14
Even then, I'm not sure vomiting would have helped the situation. Should've called for her flying monkeys.
perdix 31
"I'll get you, my pretty, and your little . . . *burp* . . . dog . . . BWAAAAAAHH!" Yep, kinda ruins it, huh?
mashimashi 13
The next step of the OP's paranoia is to pepper spray him/herself while attempting to evade his/her own shadow.
pimpcracker 8
ummm u have some serious issues if u freak out that easily!
hqbrat 8
It's not that you have issues it's the way your parents in my case parent raised you
cmcmluver 0
"give me all it money or ill soak and ruin all ur car upholstery and leave u with an uncomfortable ride home" :o
karmicsamadi86 9
That's an interesting reaction!
Wellwhateverthen 8
Paranoid as hell.
emmaweeee 0
Who freaks out that bad that they throw up almost instantly? You're screwed if you ever do get robbed, unless the robber slips and falls in your puddle of vomit knocking himself out... fyl op
runnamuk 6
True story. Worst survival technique ever.
jisaac09 25
You do realize that this technic and others like it is commonly deployed effectively in the animal kingdom, don't you? Op was just losing excess weight to aid in her (assuming) escape. I think it is a very interesting strategy, to say the least.
happy2468 21
At least he asked if you were ok?