Today, I was eating a croissant. After eating half of it and was about to take another bite, a spider crawled out of one of the holes of flaky deliciousness and descended down a thread of web to the table, where it scuttled away. There was a whole family of them living in there. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML
Today, I had the opportunity to taste a live spider by walking into its web in the dark. FML
Today, I was eating lunch outside with my friends, when a spider fell on one guy's back. I glanced at it and opened my mouth to warn him when another guy flicked it and it went into my mouth. I can still taste it. FML
Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML
Today, while hiking, I walked face first into a spider web. Freaking out, I shook my hair out in case there was a spider. Later on in the day the spider fell from my hair into my food. FML
Today, a large spider climbed inside my lunchbox while my mom was making me sandwiches. She didn't tell me about it until after I got home from school, though, and only because I mentioned a strange aftertaste in the sandwiches. She said she didn't want me to worry over lunch because she knows I hate spiders. FML
Today, while typing at my desk, I leaned back in my chair to stretch my arms. A spider dangling from the ceiling must have been watching me since it had perfect timing on its descent right into my open yawning mouth. FML
Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML
Today, I got up and started getting ready for work. As I entered the bathroom, I noticed a moth in the shower. Feeling generous, I caught the moth in a cup and took it to the front porch. I released the moth and watched it fly away… into a giant spider and its web. FML
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Top comments
KiwiBlu 0
That is one of the most disgusting things I have ever heard.
JayCanDance 0
Oh my god. Thank you for the nightmares I'm sure to have.
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Comments (190)
ZDrache 0
New crunchier recipe, now with extra protein!
Kreb 4
Oh NOOO no no no no no no no
Lucky19 0
Ugh, I wonder if TVTropes wouldn't mind another Nightmare Fuel entry. Seriously, it does sound like a really bad nightmare, although I don't doubt something like this could happen in real life. Big FML
JerryCasto 0
The average human eats 7 spiders during sleep.... the average FML'er eats over 50
InsomPsycho 0
how does that even happen? Did you leave it sitting out for a week before finally getting around to eating it?
acfem9 0
Eeeeewwww!
AnnO263 0
Hmmmmmmmmm yummy protein :D
BridgieQ 0
Where did you buy it? I'd like to know, so I'll never go there.
HELLOASHLEYLYNN 0
scuddled---best word ever.
26242 0
I have severe arachnephobia, but I LOVE how this was written. You're awesome. Sorry about that.