Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time. I was really excited to introduce her to my parents, until we found my mother waving around a wooden sword, and my father trying to shove my sister into the dryer. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce her to my parents. As we arrived, my grandpa was leaving the bathroom. He looked over at my girlfriend with a worried expression and said, "Never take a shit in this place. Feels like I wiped my arsehole with sandpaper." FML
Today, I had my boyfriend come over for dinner for the first time. It was all going well until my dad started explaining to my boyfriend how to use toilet paper. He even demonstrated it. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML
Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I thought everything went well, until I got a text from him later saying, "Come on mom, she isn't THAT bad." FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. Dinner was going well until her dad secretly fed the asparagus to the dog under the table, and then "discovered" what a childish thing I had done. My girlfriend believed him. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce to my parents. My dad thought it would be hilarious to fill some clear bags full of flour, then pretend he was sampling a cocaine shipment when she arrived. She excused herself very quickly and isn't answering my calls. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. My dad was having a bad day and was rude from the outset, but things went to total hell when he started screaming that he'd "kill" our microwave if it didn't "shut the hell up". My girlfriend now thinks we're a family of abusive psychos. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML
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Top comments
DDCA 24
Talk about being butt hurt.
Kuhu1993 21
She'd get it. Even she has parents. :D
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Comments (87)
nix1993 41
Turn to her seriously and say, "I hope you're taking notes".
pedinhuh 23
That's marriage for you, you get into silly arguments about the slightiest stupid things even when you've been married for over 20 years...
freshko21 6
Not a Charmin situation OP, tell your dad to grab some Scottch and relax
evilplatypus 39
Why did you post the same pun twice?
freshko21 6
Because I wanted to say it better! Hoping I wouldn't get thumbed down Lmao. FML
rosenkrieger223 24
Well, you failed.
freshko21 6
Lmao
ilovedinosawers 17
You tried
Olympiakos10 15
Is your Dad a bear that usually gets bits of toilet paper stuck on his ass?
Grand_Cookie 21
What an ice breaker.
zojieeu 6
Sounds like he is into some butt action
sig4life 18
She did it on purpose. If his sensitive ass and her have been together long enough for their son to bring home a girlfriend. She k we but didn't care. On the other hand he shouldn't turn into his own ass.
kianaaa32 17
How do you turn into your own ass?
sig4life 18
Sorry typed quickly was at work. Meant to say 'into an insensitive ass'
Enslaved 38
"This is what it sounds like When doves cry"
SoulAmeliorate 16
Dad: (looks at OP) "You know what I'm talking about, right?"
Capt_Oblivious 10
Sounds like your father is a pain in the ass for bringing up such a sensitive topic. Don't worry, this will be the butt of jokes for years to come.