Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce her to my parents. As we arrived, my grandpa was leaving the bathroom. He looked over at my girlfriend with a worried expression and said, "Never take a shit in this place. Feels like I wiped my arsehole with sandpaper." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I enjoyed a lovely shower together. It was indeed lovely until her father came into the washroom to say “Welcome to the family!” whilst taking a giant shit. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML
Today, I took my new girlfriend to meet my grandmother. We were drinking coffee when my gran leaned to one side and let out a huge fart. Proud of herself, she added, "That one didn't pay his rent on time!" Coffee came out of my girlfriend's nose. FML
Today, while I was doing my hair, my grandpa walked in, dropped his pants, and started taking a crap in the toilet right next to me. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend of six months over to meet my family. When my grandpa saw her, he said, "What a waste of good breeding stock." FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I had bad stomach cramps so I asked if I could use the bathroom. After half an hour, I flushed the toilet, it backs up and floods the bathroom. To make things worse, when I opened the door, I slipped on the wet tiles. FML
Today, I sneaked into my girlfriend's house for some romantic time. Before going into her room, I took a dump in the bathroom. Once I was done, I not only noticed that there was no toilet paper left, but I heard her and her 6'5, heavyweight boxer, ex-marine father, talking outside the bathroom door. FML
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Top comments
devildog562 33
Everyone knows the feeling of bad toilet paper. Grandpa has the decency to tell the truth . Just in a crude way.
TrippingOnAcid 29
The girl doesn't even need to take a dump to experience the bad toilet paper. Grampa forgets that women always have to wipe down there
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Comments (67)
itsme82 18
The thing about being older is you can say whatever you want. This is a prime example of that. Your grandpa is awesome!!
mistress_paz 30
Nice!
xluciferx666 21
Your grandpa is a hero I hate going into someone's bathroom doing my business and then using toilet paper that feels like I'm running a belt sander across my butthole
apaul982 14
Everyone knows that dead leaves are the things to use
feytensn 25
At least he gave her good advice
CaroAurelia 12
Eh, when my uncle took a girl home to meet his parents, my dad was walking around the house in his underwear. My uncle and that girl have been married about forty years. If your girlfriend can live through that and still want to be with you, that's a good sign. Consider this a test.
Lalala579121 28
If your significant other leaves you because of something minor your family did then they weren't worth it anyways.
worldclassrager 41
Love the name... Grandpa strikes again!
iseebearbears 27
Did he actually say arsehole?
False_Stupidity 42
The advice is good, no matter the delivery. Old people haven't got time to beat around the bush and they just tell it how it is.
beantownchivette 8
He might have. In the UK, arse is used fairly often
angelic_avenger 7
This just seems like an amazing opportunity. I feel like she could get in everyone's good books if she brought some Charmin over.
Zebediabolical 45
There's nothing worse than that puffy girl toilet paper. Sure, you're wiping your ass with a soft cloud, but a soft cloud doesn't get your ass clean on the first or second try. At least with the sandpaper you don't need to make a chore out of it.