Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce her to my parents. As we arrived, my grandpa was leaving the bathroom. He looked over at my girlfriend with a worried expression and said, "Never take a shit in this place. Feels like I wiped my arsehole with sandpaper." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I enjoyed a lovely shower together. It was indeed lovely until her father came into the washroom to say “Welcome to the family!” whilst taking a giant shit. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML
Today, I took my new girlfriend to meet my grandmother. We were drinking coffee when my gran leaned to one side and let out a huge fart. Proud of herself, she added, "That one didn't pay his rent on time!" Coffee came out of my girlfriend's nose. FML
Today, while I was doing my hair, my grandpa walked in, dropped his pants, and started taking a crap in the toilet right next to me. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend of six months over to meet my family. When my grandpa saw her, he said, "What a waste of good breeding stock." FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I had bad stomach cramps so I asked if I could use the bathroom. After half an hour, I flushed the toilet, it backs up and floods the bathroom. To make things worse, when I opened the door, I slipped on the wet tiles. FML
Today, I sneaked into my girlfriend's house for some romantic time. Before going into her room, I took a dump in the bathroom. Once I was done, I not only noticed that there was no toilet paper left, but I heard her and her 6'5, heavyweight boxer, ex-marine father, talking outside the bathroom door. FML
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Top comments
devildog562 33
Everyone knows the feeling of bad toilet paper. Grandpa has the decency to tell the truth . Just in a crude way.
TrippingOnAcid 29
The girl doesn't even need to take a dump to experience the bad toilet paper. Grampa forgets that women always have to wipe down there
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Comments (67)
hoosiergirl94 31
Old people are always so wise
saffy66 34
Must have been awkward and embarrassing for you both, OP, but at least you know a lot of strangers are getting a laugh out of it. And if she can handle that, she's probably a keeper.
NobodyGay 16
Your username is fake. Justin Bieber has no nuts or a sack for that matter.
ghetto_child 19
I would've laughed, and if the girl I was with didn't find a bit of humor in it...she probably isnt right for me. roll with the punches and laugh at it.
sbarua219 17
Why does it matter? Do girls even poop? Lol jk just busting y'all's ladies' ovaries
MandieL 27
I don't poop....unless I'm at my home with no company over.
mimii00 10
I love your grandpa.
XtremeHeat 14
I need 4-ply! 4-ply! 4-ply when I cry!
crazy_loner 25
Use water instead, like us indians.. :-P
Drosophila82 18
Idk man.... When you're 75 your asshole is sand paper.. I tell your gf not to take his word for it
shitsville 13
Well at least you know he can still wipe