Today, I missed my flight because I was held in airport security because I'd "threatened" an employee. He had confiscated my eyelash curler and jokingly I asked if he thought I was going to curl him to death. He didn't laugh. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after reading a sign at the airport, my 6-year-old son thought it would be funny to yell, "Daddy's got a bomb!" Airport security then tackled me to the ground. Oh, and I missed my flight and my mother's birthday. FML
Today, I was boarding my flight when I got pulled aside for looking suspicious. As she was opening my bag, I said, "Be careful, I jammed so many clothes in there it may explode." I was then strip searched for my trouble. FML
Today, I missed my flight because I was stopped by airport security. They found "small, suspicious, spherical objects" in my purse on the X-ray. After pulling me out of line, taking my purse aside and carefully opening it with tongs, they removed the bag of grapes I had packed as a snack. FML
Today, I got looked at weirdly for brushing my teeth in an airport bathroom. FML
Today, I was walking through airport security when a guard began making lewd gestures at his crotch, while looking at me. I was outraged until I realized he was trying to tell me that my fly was down. FML
Today, the airport security guard told me to lift my fat rolls so he could finish patting me down. FML
Today, my mom and I went to catch our flight to Jamaica. She ended up being detained and questioned, because she packed hairspray, shampoo, drinks, basically half the shit you're not allowed to have in your luggage. We missed our flight. FML
Today, I was supposed to catch a 4:40 flight to New York. My 5 year-old son handed me my carry on bag as I left the house. Turns out he had put his older brother's BB gun into my bag to "keep me safe." I missed my flight after I was detained and strip-searched. FML
Today, I was picking up my 10 year-old step-son from the airport. He began screaming and crying saying that I wasn't his father. I ended up sitting in a holding room because the security guards thought I was kidnapping him. My wife thought it was hilarious. FML
Today, I was going through airport security. Trying to get things over and done with quickly, I dropped my pants without a second thought. Turns out they just wanted me to remove my shoes and belt. FML
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Top comments
Livinia 11
Maybe he had a feisty fight with an eyelash curler back in the day.
prettyinpunk1025 14
yeah don't joke around toward them or cops... they never think its funny
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Comments (136)
Jasmine143 0
Lmaoo xD
Magnimus 4
About the only thing I hate more than cops is TSA agents. It's like it's a requirement of the job to be retarded. Last time I saw one he wanted me to kneel so he could better molest me. I just told him no, and gave him a look like I meant business. He just said never mind. Don't try this now. It'd be a federal case now. That's why I don't even fly anymore. I travel by ship and car only.
hatepineapple 14
Well, OP, this is understandable. You see, the last time a TSA agent didn't confiscate an eye lash curler, the women took it and rammed it right up his ass. So now he has an eye lash curler lodged in his anus, and it won't come out. And you thought YOU had problems.
HomeAl0ne 20
I've stood there for 5 minutes while a TSA guy who was confiscating my wife's eyebrow tweezers went through this ridiculous spiel about 'dangerous items'. My wife was standing there with a 6" long, curved, pointed, metal clip in her hair the whole time. Honestly, it's bright silver and the size of an ibis bill. It took all my willpower not to take it out of her hair and stab him in the eye with it.
forthecraic 1
LOL
Tomahawk00984 0
TSA Sucks don't they? While they're busy harassing someone with an eyelash curler, the REAL terrorist with the REAL bomb and weapons manages to slip by.
vbmg152 19
No! My daughter works for TSA, she's a sweetheart but at work, she's all business! Your safety depends on her and others like her!
Psyk_fml 11
I once made a giant blue, terribly deformed walrus which I took with me through security to give as a gift to my boyfriend who lives far away and loves walruses (and he quite liked it, btw, the deformedness was his favorite part) and the TSA guys all came over to gawk at it as it came out the other end of the xray machine and cracked up at it. Most TSA guys have a bit sense of humour, the trick is actually finding it, or surprising them so ridiculously they forget to be grumpy :D
cynicalkitt3h 0
if he hadn't taken it seriously that would've been a pretty funny joke(:
sydneylol 7
they're so stupid:|
kateleen16 0
odd, they're rarely taken away..