Today, I missed my flight because I was held in airport security because I'd "threatened" an employee. He had confiscated my eyelash curler and jokingly I asked if he thought I was going to curl him to death. He didn't laugh. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after reading a sign at the airport, my 6-year-old son thought it would be funny to yell, "Daddy's got a bomb!" Airport security then tackled me to the ground. Oh, and I missed my flight and my mother's birthday. FML
Today, I was boarding my flight when I got pulled aside for looking suspicious. As she was opening my bag, I said, "Be careful, I jammed so many clothes in there it may explode." I was then strip searched for my trouble. FML
Today, I missed my flight because I was stopped by airport security. They found "small, suspicious, spherical objects" in my purse on the X-ray. After pulling me out of line, taking my purse aside and carefully opening it with tongs, they removed the bag of grapes I had packed as a snack. FML
Today, I got looked at weirdly for brushing my teeth in an airport bathroom. FML
Today, I was walking through airport security when a guard began making lewd gestures at his crotch, while looking at me. I was outraged until I realized he was trying to tell me that my fly was down. FML
Today, the airport security guard told me to lift my fat rolls so he could finish patting me down. FML
Today, my mom and I went to catch our flight to Jamaica. She ended up being detained and questioned, because she packed hairspray, shampoo, drinks, basically half the shit you're not allowed to have in your luggage. We missed our flight. FML
Today, I was supposed to catch a 4:40 flight to New York. My 5 year-old son handed me my carry on bag as I left the house. Turns out he had put his older brother's BB gun into my bag to "keep me safe." I missed my flight after I was detained and strip-searched. FML
Today, I was picking up my 10 year-old step-son from the airport. He began screaming and crying saying that I wasn't his father. I ended up sitting in a holding room because the security guards thought I was kidnapping him. My wife thought it was hilarious. FML
Today, I was going through airport security. Trying to get things over and done with quickly, I dropped my pants without a second thought. Turns out they just wanted me to remove my shoes and belt. FML
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Top comments
Livinia 11
Maybe he had a feisty fight with an eyelash curler back in the day.
prettyinpunk1025 14
yeah don't joke around toward them or cops... they never think its funny
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Comments (136)
prettyinpunk1025 14
yeah don't joke around toward them or cops... they never think its funny
RandomBlackMan 0
but did you curl him
enonymous 9
This is exactly how my uncle died... anal cavity search after trying to bring a curling iron on the plane
Eggers 2
I dunno, I joke around with my airport security like that whenever I fly and all they do is laugh. maybe they just don't like you
jess0091 0
I use to work at the airport and would have to pass by TSA to get to my job. Sometimes they were sane human beings. Other times they were cruel, heartless, scary creatures.
WeezyFreak 0
especially shouldn't joke at an airport. they'll arrest you if you just say "bomb"
TheMystery_fml 6
-"this trip is gonna be bomb" -"TERRORIST!!"
uglygurl 0
^booba
cdbank3 0
you are so ugly good lord
labudamike 6
lol
squishy01 0
Remember… Never ask a cop if it's true that he became a cop just because his application to Dunkin' Donuts wasn't accepted. That won't end well…
Livinia 11
Maybe he had a feisty fight with an eyelash curler back in the day.
noto_fml 0
he also lost that fight. Americas airports have become WAYYY too uptight, however security FTW
easyboy4u 0
maybe he had a bad day
peacelovepugs 7
number 2... u look like Selena Gomez
mathow 3
Back in Nam dude.
Doortje 30
Never crack a joke at the airport.
Lizza330 28
Why?
rattusrattus 19
They had their sense of humour surgically removed as part of first-day training.
bluegoldfish 7
removed by cavity searching.
kodi93 2
Yes That's right this was your own fault ydi
Avsfan1111 3
how dumb are u ?? it's the airport don't joke about death lol
Zebidee 9
Police > mall cops > the guy with three teeth telling a kid they can't ride on the Ferris Wheel > TSA
dudeitsdanny 10
Nonono. Police > mall cops > the guy with three teeth telling a kid they can't ride on the Ferris Wheel > campus security > TSA
SGT_DBL 15
One more correction: Normal, sane, rational human beings > Police > mall cops > the guy with three teeth telling a kid they can't ride on the Ferris Wheel > campus security > TSA NOW its right. Freakin' pigs...
grumpybarista 0
TSA is getting out of control. They've become a Gestapo. Obama should finally make his his first "change" with these jackasses.
AustrianChaos 3
Don't talk about things you've got no clue of.
Princess_D33 9
Don't end sentences with prepositions.
dudeitsdanny 10
Airport security is one of the few places where joking is NEVER allowed. **** your life, though.. If he already had it, he should have known you meant no harm.. Especially threatening to curl him. I had a PEZ dispenser taken away once when I was 12, though, so..
im_so_ninja 0
that's horrible! if anyone ever took my PEZ dispenser, I wouldn't be able to go on.
EvilDoll 7
I can understand that last time, one bit me for taking it's candy. never again, PEZ dispenser, never again.
petrc1290 0
they took my squirt gun
nattybattyx3 4
when we were flying back from Vegas, the security guard took my m&m's from the m&m store. just a lovely note to come back on!
susie_spiff 0
tough crowd.
iNouf 1
seriously?! he's either being a jerk or he's actually pretty dumb!
kingtz 6
He's not exactly going to be an intelligent person accustomed to thinking for himself if he works as TSA...
alwayzjess 0
That's pretty funny but yeah don't joke with them, they take everything seriously.
tencalories 3
yea there's no way that was a serious threat he was obviously just a douchebag and don't joke around with douchebags their douches
Kawboy 1
of course he didn't! airport security are there to keep u safe, so ur joke wasn't that funny to him!
airs_01 3
people like you ruin the FML's. stop taking it so seriously.
monkji10 0
or maybe he just wanted to give him a crouch inspection!
KaylieeJay 4
It's stupid that you were held in airport security and you missed your flight over an eyelash curler. However, when you book a flight there is generally warnings EVERYWHERE on the site, booking detail etc of what you can and can't pack in hand luggage. And I thought everyone knows not to joke in an airport on anything sensitive.
Zebidee 9
There are lists of prohibited items, and eyelash curlers is NOT one of them.
Music_Is_Life101 0
If that was true, I think anyone that can take over a plane with an eyelash curler, deserves the damn plane. :)
FarSide 23
Screw with them! They can't stop and detain everybody.