Today, there was a luncheon at work in another dept. We all went to get some free food and see new faces. There was a hot girl walking around chatting. I grabbed my buddy's arm and told him there was a "nice pair of tits here." He saw her. She's his daughter. She's a new-hire… running HR. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my company was having a huge party so I went to work dressed in my best outfit. During lunch break, my boss said to me, "You really missed out on something yesterday, it was great fun!" FML
Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML
Today, I finally got a date with one of the hottest girls in school, a perfect 10. Just before I go to pick her up to go to the movies, I called her to find out where she lives. She answered the phone, only to hear my father yelling in the background, "STOP TALKING TO THAT WHORE." FML
Today, I went on a blind date at a fancy restaurant. My date was running a bit late, so I went ahead and got a table. I got bored, so I decided to ask my waiter how I looked. He stood there, then said that, "It's against company policy to mock customers to their face." FML
Today, I overheard my boss stressing out over finding a replacement for me. I didn't know I was leaving. FML
Today, my coworker pointed to our nervous new intern and asked who he was. I jokingly said, "Can't you tell? He's our new slave." I then quickly realized how bad that sounded, given the intern is black. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years has a beautiful daughter. That's cool, except she's one year old. FML
Today, as I waited to fly home, a very attractive woman smiled and gestured towards the seat next to me. However, a hyperactive child and his mother barged past into said empty seats. The woman really hit it off with the guy behind, while I was stuck listening to a kid scream at Angry Birds. FML
Today, I went to Cheesecake Factory for dinner. There was a hot waiter who kept passing by. He saw me looking at him and I knew I had to say something. So when he approached my table I asked, "Excuse me, do you have any salt?" and he said, "I think it's right there on the table." FML
Today, a kid on a bike passed me and commented on my "big fat butt." Recognizing him from the neighborhood, I told my husband to go speak to his parents about the inappropriate comment. It turns out his father is the man who yesterday commented on my "big bouncing tits." FML
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Top comments
greenfairy_fml 0
you're lucky, if a coworker said that to my dad about me, he'd kick his ass. and yeah, you totally deserved it for referring to her that way.
Hullaballoo 0
Wow, I hope you know now that referring to women by their body parts isn't ok
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Comments (64)
mystic_star 0
agreed... eww factor much
RachelTheLoser 0
I'm a chick and I ttly agree with 25 & 26.
twilightluver347 7
whats hr?
stef108 3
human resources
baseball154 0
it does "cleave poke cleave poke"
Britney_Spears 1
While you did deserve it, I totally sympathize with you. I did the same thing. I was at work, and this hot girl walked in, and I told my co-worker "Man, I'd like to **** her." "You mean my sister?" "Um... no." And so I pointed to this gross old lady, and he gave me this weird look. Now he thinks I'm into old people.
StrictlyMCH 0
Seinfeld episode.
butterflyz1961 2
YDI for referring to a woman as "a nice pair of ****" dumbass.
racileN 0
Aw that's too bad you sexist ass.
xcrunner_725 4
what the hell is wrong with you.
HippyKat13 7
YDI for being a pig, you bastard