Today, there was a luncheon at work in another dept. We all went to get some free food and see new faces. There was a hot girl walking around chatting. I grabbed my buddy's arm and told him there was a "nice pair of tits here." He saw her. She's his daughter. She's a new-hire… running HR. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my company was having a huge party so I went to work dressed in my best outfit. During lunch break, my boss said to me, "You really missed out on something yesterday, it was great fun!" FML
Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML
Today, I finally got a date with one of the hottest girls in school, a perfect 10. Just before I go to pick her up to go to the movies, I called her to find out where she lives. She answered the phone, only to hear my father yelling in the background, "STOP TALKING TO THAT WHORE." FML
Today, I went on a blind date at a fancy restaurant. My date was running a bit late, so I went ahead and got a table. I got bored, so I decided to ask my waiter how I looked. He stood there, then said that, "It's against company policy to mock customers to their face." FML
Today, I overheard my boss stressing out over finding a replacement for me. I didn't know I was leaving. FML
Today, my coworker pointed to our nervous new intern and asked who he was. I jokingly said, "Can't you tell? He's our new slave." I then quickly realized how bad that sounded, given the intern is black. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years has a beautiful daughter. That's cool, except she's one year old. FML
Today, as I waited to fly home, a very attractive woman smiled and gestured towards the seat next to me. However, a hyperactive child and his mother barged past into said empty seats. The woman really hit it off with the guy behind, while I was stuck listening to a kid scream at Angry Birds. FML
Today, I went to Cheesecake Factory for dinner. There was a hot waiter who kept passing by. He saw me looking at him and I knew I had to say something. So when he approached my table I asked, "Excuse me, do you have any salt?" and he said, "I think it's right there on the table." FML
Today, a kid on a bike passed me and commented on my "big fat butt." Recognizing him from the neighborhood, I told my husband to go speak to his parents about the inappropriate comment. It turns out his father is the man who yesterday commented on my "big bouncing tits." FML
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Top comments
greenfairy_fml 0
you're lucky, if a coworker said that to my dad about me, he'd kick his ass. and yeah, you totally deserved it for referring to her that way.
Hullaballoo 0
Wow, I hope you know now that referring to women by their body parts isn't ok
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Comments (64)
greenman_fml 0
well it seems like you've got a nice conversation starter. you'll be seeing that "nice pair of ****" in no time
Master_Bait 0
you look like a guy who drives around in an unmarked van and offers candy to small children on the side of the road
phippsy95 2
stop trolling. he looks like that guy off office, the ricky gervais one not the american rubbish haha
drybamboo 0
You deserve to be fired. :D
AliSama 17
how can you know someone and never seen pictures of his family? i call bs on this one.
EffYoLife 14
Everyone doesn't put up family pix. Or maybe she looks different in person. I call bs on your comment.
uminuscooll 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
hey, maybe he can hook the two of you up ;]
greenfairy_fml 0
you're lucky, if a coworker said that to my dad about me, he'd kick his ass. and yeah, you totally deserved it for referring to her that way.
Dr_Phil 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I don't know why people are dissing you. If I was with my boys and any of us saw some chic with nice **** and an ass, we would say the same thing. It's that girls' dads' fault for getting his daughter a job at the same company.
ScottieJo 8
It's because FML is full of self righteous people and feminiazis.
lokiitababii69 19
exactly. im a female n most my friends r male.... thats jus how guys talk
sulitak 27
then your friends are disrespectful boys. most of my friends are men and won't say that shit around me. they will point out hot girls, but they have some tact about it.
theaaxis 27
Maybe if OP was with the guys it wouldn't be as bad, but at work, it's pretty terrible.
Hullaballoo 0
Wow, I hope you know now that referring to women by their body parts isn't ok
prinny_fml 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
hey, **** you, you're probably a shitty pair of ****
lspicknall 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
This is so dumb. I'm a woman, and what he said is perfectly fine. A little creepy maybe cuz of the age difference but girls chill out, he's saying you look good
sulitak 27
no. he's saying your chest looks good. that's it.
Jshizzle 0
You deserve anything you get, ********. I understand that **** are great (they are! Mine rule!), but what a bummer to be reminded that they are all men seem to care about. Get your head out of your ass and maybe a woman will actually let you see hers someday. fool.
Heidi_fml 0
Wow, you're a ******* pig.
kibblesnbits1053 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I have to sympathize with you one this one: "nice pair of ****" is such a guy thing to say. Its not sexist; I'm sure they were great ****.