Today, I received some unwanted anal sex tips. They were unwanted because I'm not into anal sex, and the tips came from my drunk mom. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was waiting downstairs at my boyfriend's house as he got ready to go. His mom came over and said she was so glad her son had met me, that I made him really happy. I smiled thinking how nice that was of her to say. She then continued, "Still, he tells me anal is a no?" FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, a few weeks after coming out to my parents, my mother randomly asked me, "Your father and I have tried anal sex a few times, but it hurts too much. D'you have any advice on what to do?" FML
Today, my mom was helping me clean out stuff from college. She opened a box and took out some anal beads I got as a gag gift. She asked, "What are these?" I answered, "They are for massaging your back". She then insisted I show her. I massaged my mother with anal beads. FML
Today, I was looking for a magazine in my mother's bedside cabinet and I came across some daft test about sex. Apparently, my mother likes anal, oral, and my dad's cock is bent. Nauseous. FML
Today, my mother's boyfriend sent me pictures of my mom sucking him off. FML
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Today, my drunk mom informed me that out of all my potential brothers and sisters she’s swallowed over the years she’s "glad" I’m the one she "accidentally drooled onto her crotch, swam up her fanny and invaded" her "virgin egg." This kind of shit is why I moved out at 16 and still have a therapist. FML
Today, my mom came home heavily drunk. As I was taking care of her, she told me all about how I was a mistake. That didn't hurt nearly as much as when she told me she wishes I'd died during her pregnancy. FML
Today, my mom threw my tampons in the garbage and said that from now on, I'll be buying pads instead. Turns out she read a scare story going around by email that all the local teens are soaking their tampons in alcohol and inserting them anally to secretly get drunk. FML
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Top comments
FlyingPie 17
At first I thought the word "tips" was being used as a double entendre.
RoboCunnilingus 23
Anal sex tips from drunk mom? -changes porno-
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Comments (73)
Damned_Architect 25
Ouch!!! Mom, that hurt!
Enslaved 38
"Oral sex makes my day Butt Anal sex makes my hole weak"
worldclassrager 41
Well maybe the tips will help your sex life...and maybe posting them might give us a hand or two in our relationships...
Slaught000 9
This is the most disgusting FML I've ever read. My organs cringed at the thought of it.
JasonUMN 15
At some point in time, you just have to excuse yourself out the back door in situations like this.
Royalistic 8
Or demonstrate.
TheCanucklehead 22
1st off, your going to need a cucumber, lettuce and tomato. After hours of pain and agony...I'll finish my sandwich. Then I'd be happy to give you tips
braceinevitable 8
I wish my Mom would give me such great advice.
imdabess 9
There's always that saying "mother knows best"...
wdthompson1 18
Those Canadians...always so helpful.