Today, I was looking for a magazine in my mother's bedside cabinet and I came across some daft test about sex. Apparently, my mother likes anal, oral, and my dad's cock is bent. Nauseous. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found my dad's porn stash on his laptop. I went through it for a laugh to see what kind of sick, twisted shit he's into. Mostly nude pictures of my mum, as it turns out. I can't wipe the afterimage from my mind. FML
Today, my mom found a book of dirty stories I'd written in tenth grade. She then told me that I wrote about things she'd never even thought about, and she's been having sex for years. If that wasn't bad enough, she's taken them in to work to show people. FML
Today, a few weeks after coming out to my parents, my mother randomly asked me, "Your father and I have tried anal sex a few times, but it hurts too much. D'you have any advice on what to do?" FML
Today, I walked in on my mother using a razor to shave my dad's cream-covered testicles. FML
Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, my mom took me to dinner. She told me about an argument that she and her boyfriend had, and she showed me the texts. While reading, I learned that she smells his dick before sucking it. FML
Today, I received some unwanted anal sex tips. They were unwanted because I'm not into anal sex, and the tips came from my drunk mom. FML
Today, I found out that my parents are extremely active swingers by finding their online profile with photos of my mom with a dildo. I guess those out-of-town trips weren't just holidays. FML
Today my mother, who was once shocked to realise that my older sister was having unmarried sex, told me to go and 'get some' because it's good for my health. I'm asexual. FML
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Top comments
Eir_fml 1
I'd have stopped reading before learning all of that.
afrbrunette 0
i definitely don't think 90% of girls like anal sex! ewwwww
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Comments (43)
Eir_fml 1
I'd have stopped reading before learning all of that.
Eryx_fml 3
Actually I think all these people that commented before me and you are a little silly. Parents are humans too, we all have sex. Probably 90% of the girls like anal and oral, and 60% of penises are proved to be bent. What's so extraordinary about knowing your parents are normal? I don't get how this is FML. I don't understand why knowing your parents having sex is so disgusting for most people. It's not even like you didn't know it before, because you exist for the obvious reason of them having sex. Or you're so dumb you didn't realise it before.
afrbrunette 0
i definitely don't think 90% of girls like anal sex! ewwwww
mad2physicist 0
I doubt 90% of girls like anal, although probably nearly that number like oral. I also doubt, although I have no real evidence, that 60% of dicks are bent. I also doubt that you need a test to tell you whether one is bent or not. I don't see why this is a problem for the original poster, nor do I see why he was reading a sex test his parents took.
Paradoxasaurus 0
Statistics are off, but poster makes a point. It's completely normal to like anal and oral, and knowing your dad's bent isn't that unsettling. I'm on mobile, so I can't see, but the girl that said "ewwwww" when talking about anal should grow the hell up and learn about the big, exciting world of fetishes. Maybe that'll round your view off.
pdoom 0
Can I meet your mom?
Jollie 0
yea that would be nice
Nrtn 0
OMG Eryx, it might be the most normal thing in the world... but a normal person still wouldnt want to know that about their parents.
Daysgoby 0
#5 shut up, it's kind of discusting knowing that your OWN parents have sex
Paradoxasaurus 0
Everyone KNOWS their parents have sex, you delusional bastard. It's only disgusting (a "g", contrary to popular belief) if you're immature.
awesomeFTW 6
That's being immature if you think that's nasty but a excuse would be if you walk in on them not that's a different story
Dinglenuts 0
If this was me, I'd cry. #5 needs to shut up. Just because you enjoy listening to/ watching your parents making love doesn't mean you have to share.
foxyouupp 0
now that's something to talk about at the dinner table
BlackJewel 0
#8 what;s so disgusting to know your parents have sex? .. is something normal..
Crimso 0
#5 do u enjoy watching your parents doing it? #4 dumbdumb ftw
eurghmylife 0
:O, id freak out! but you kinda deserve it, stop reading your parents stuff! :P