Today, I was attacked by a bird at three in the morning. The bird was being attacked by an owl, and it decided the safest place to land wasn't in a tree, but my face. No one will believe me, despite the 12 stitches across my face. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a bird crashed into my face. I didn't think that actually happened to people outside of cartoons. FML
Today, I woke up to find my face covered in scratches, some of them bleeding. I was rather puzzled, as I don't have a cat. Then I realised that the feathers in my pillow had stuck out and scratched my face. I was attacked by my own pillow. FML
Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up, and attacked my face. FML
Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML
Today, I was designing a newspaper page with a story about an aggressive female bird that was defending its nest and attacking students near some stairs. In the article were photos of victims who were attacked. We had a good laugh over it. Later, I was walking past there and the bird attacked me. FML
Today, a bird ran into my window. My overzealous cat ran at it like the Flash and smashed his face in the window. He yelped and ran away, then as I was running to see if he was OK, I slammed my face in the door jamb. FML
Today, I'm trying to come up with a plausible explanation for my co-workers as to why I have stitches in my face. I'm not sure I want to admit that I was clawed by a pigeon as I opened my garage door. FML
Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML
Today, I found the eggshells from the nest belonging to the little bird that lives outside my house. They were covered in blood and it was quite obvious that they had been eaten. While I was looking at them, the mother bird came over and attacked me. FML
Today, I was walking down the street when a pigeon flew into my head and got caught in my hair. To make matters worse, a group of kids thought it was hilarious and started filming me with their phones while I screamed in terror. FML
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Top comments
bigbadtim 7
Bird, bird, bird, bird is the word.
zingline89 18
I'm talon you, show me some pics and owl believe you.
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Comments (143)
ShyAnn29 15
I thought it was a flying elephant
Incogneterpeter 1
How would a tree be safe for one bird to hide from another???
grapisy 8
This joke would be funny if owls were considered "fowl"
BeaterOfTheDrums 15
Luckily sea rhinoceros are only attracted to the sound sea bear attacks.
Mr25_fml 14
Irony'd!!
ACE1442 16
Hey...hey...OP...look at me...I believe you.
bubo_fml 11
Ouch! That bird must've had one hard pecker! (C'Mon! Ya gotta have at least one obvious, obligatory weenus joke!)
Marteeny23 19
Actually your wenis is the skin on your elbow....
coolstorybro6 6
I don't think I would believe you either and I don't right now so stop putting nonsensical stories on fml!!!
poleybear 3
Attention *****!!!
jonriise18 3
I'm sorry but.... LOL