Today, I was attacked by a bird at three in the morning. The bird was being attacked by an owl, and it decided the safest place to land wasn't in a tree, but my face. No one will believe me, despite the 12 stitches across my face. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a bird crashed into my face. I didn't think that actually happened to people outside of cartoons. FML
Today, I woke up to find my face covered in scratches, some of them bleeding. I was rather puzzled, as I don't have a cat. Then I realised that the feathers in my pillow had stuck out and scratched my face. I was attacked by my own pillow. FML
Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up, and attacked my face. FML
Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML
Today, I was designing a newspaper page with a story about an aggressive female bird that was defending its nest and attacking students near some stairs. In the article were photos of victims who were attacked. We had a good laugh over it. Later, I was walking past there and the bird attacked me. FML
Today, a bird ran into my window. My overzealous cat ran at it like the Flash and smashed his face in the window. He yelped and ran away, then as I was running to see if he was OK, I slammed my face in the door jamb. FML
Today, I'm trying to come up with a plausible explanation for my co-workers as to why I have stitches in my face. I'm not sure I want to admit that I was clawed by a pigeon as I opened my garage door. FML
Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML
Today, I found the eggshells from the nest belonging to the little bird that lives outside my house. They were covered in blood and it was quite obvious that they had been eaten. While I was looking at them, the mother bird came over and attacked me. FML
Today, I was walking down the street when a pigeon flew into my head and got caught in my hair. To make matters worse, a group of kids thought it was hilarious and started filming me with their phones while I screamed in terror. FML
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Top comments
bigbadtim 7
Bird, bird, bird, bird is the word.
zingline89 18
I'm talon you, show me some pics and owl believe you.
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Comments (143)
quite_bored 9
There's a whole lot of unnecessary commas in this FML...
Shrike 24
If you think they're unnecessary, it may be that you just need to take a damn breath in your own conversations.
quite_bored 9
Maybe I do, maybe there's improper commas.
Shrike 24
"Maybe THERE IS improper commas"?! Sort your own grammar out first, boy. Oh, and by the way, there are two more grammatical errors in your comment besides the one I capitalized. See if you can figure them out. Anything to shut your mouth.
quite_bored 9
Well aren't you just a cup full of sunshine?
Lolo99981 5
Where were you to have that happen…?
happyspencer 4
Did your face save the bird?
Unlucky_Gun 0
Do the chickens have large talons?
Khyle1396 0
If a chicken had lips, could it whistle?
happyspencer 4
Nice Napoleon dynamite reference
fuzzbuck1 4
Cool story bro
Rythace 0
I don't believe you.. lol :)
Michael87Jackson_fml 10
And you were outside at three in the morning why??
b2ac 0
Hmmmm owls, birds, 3am. You sure you weren't tripping on some shrooms in the middle of the woods
missyj0 12
It was actually a Sea Rhinoceros, too bad OP didn't have his anti-Sea Rhinocerous undergarments on.
LivingProdigy 0
Thats a whole lota dip.