Today, I woke up with my girl laying next to me in bed. When she woke up we started to get hot and heavy but all of a sudden our cat hops on the bed. I guess the cat was more important cause my girl got up started playing it instead of me. Cockblocked by another pussy. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. As we were getting into it, his cat came into the room, sat, and stared us down with what looked like disapproving eyes. After 5 minutes had gone by, we stopped completely. A cat just cockblocked me. FML
Today, I met a girl and we ended up having sex at her place. She decided to give me some head underneath the cover, and it really was great until her Garfield-sized cat decided to jump on her head and make her choke on it. Guess who got kicked out in the middle of the night for being too reckless. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were trying to get it on on the bed. As soon as things were starting to get heated, I turned over and saw that my dog had not only jumped up on the bed, but had been watching and started to hump the pillow next to our heads. FML
Today, I didn't realize my cat was sleeping in the room with me until she decided to jump on me in the middle of the night, resulting in a critical hit to my groin. FML
Today, I woke up in a guy's bed to one of his cats licking my nipples. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML
Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML
Today, I went to bed, falling asleep quickly; however, my cat decided to show up and lay on top of me, making me so uncomfortably hot and sweaty that my body immediately woke me up so I wouldn't die of a heat stroke. It's fucking 1:00 AM. He NEVER sleeps with me. FML
Today, as I was feeling frisky, I started to jack off. I was about to come when my cat attacked my hand and nether regions under the blanket. I really got the pussy, didn’t I? FML
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Top comments
doubleAbattery 0
Is it just me, or have there been a lot of FMLs about cats lately?
SimpleSimon 0
She did the right thing. Seriously, my ex and I were mid-**** when her cat decided it wanted some attention too. Ignoring him just got him more and more wound up until eventually he went ballistic and tore a chunk off me with his claws in that unpredictably traitorous way that only cats do. Not only was I **** blocked, I had a piece of my buttcheek missing, and she sided with the cat when I tried to throw him out the window.
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Comments (141)
brandnewyou 0
hahaha, love how you worded this!
kacie_fml 0
this happened to me, i kicked the cat off the bed though. but, his leg got stuck in between the foot board and mattress and he started screaming, in a cat like way. so i had to stop and help the cat, so kicking is not the answer.
kacie_fml 0
i can understand this. i would hate to be referred to as "my girl". my girlfriend is much more respectful. and, i also have a name, so if the reference my girl was used to anyone we knew, id be pissed.
Atomic_Bombz 0
LMAO LMAO LMAO LMAO LMAO luvved your little phrase at the end and i think your girl is bi because she like playin with pussy
UncleverName_FYL 0
r u trying to say you're a lesbain?
UncleverName_FYL 0
I don't understand what’s wrong with referring to someone as my girl/boy, is he or she not your girlfriend/boyfriend?? Jeez you people are too uptight. And parents always refer to you as their little girl/boy or they’ll say my daughter/son or call you by your name or a nickname but never as just “my girl”. So I see nothing wrong with it and can’t imagine who would find that among all things as being disrespectful.
tomakobriefs 11
Good that it wasn't ignored. I've heard horror stories about a cat batting at a guy's balls while he was going at it. Just think: that could have been YOU.
jazzie1o1 0
hahahahhahahahah lol funny as hell cockblocked by another pussy.. lol
yayhesdead165 1
one of the only time having another pussy in bead is a bad thing!
omar13 0
I love word play! :D
DenElite 0
Wow that punch line was halarious =)