Today, I woke up with my girl laying next to me in bed. When she woke up we started to get hot and heavy but all of a sudden our cat hops on the bed. I guess the cat was more important cause my girl got up started playing it instead of me. Cockblocked by another pussy. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. As we were getting into it, his cat came into the room, sat, and stared us down with what looked like disapproving eyes. After 5 minutes had gone by, we stopped completely. A cat just cockblocked me. FML
Today, I met a girl and we ended up having sex at her place. She decided to give me some head underneath the cover, and it really was great until her Garfield-sized cat decided to jump on her head and make her choke on it. Guess who got kicked out in the middle of the night for being too reckless. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were trying to get it on on the bed. As soon as things were starting to get heated, I turned over and saw that my dog had not only jumped up on the bed, but had been watching and started to hump the pillow next to our heads. FML
Today, I didn't realize my cat was sleeping in the room with me until she decided to jump on me in the middle of the night, resulting in a critical hit to my groin. FML
Today, I woke up in a guy's bed to one of his cats licking my nipples. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML
Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML
Today, I went to bed, falling asleep quickly; however, my cat decided to show up and lay on top of me, making me so uncomfortably hot and sweaty that my body immediately woke me up so I wouldn't die of a heat stroke. It's fucking 1:00 AM. He NEVER sleeps with me. FML
Today, as I was feeling frisky, I started to jack off. I was about to come when my cat attacked my hand and nether regions under the blanket. I really got the pussy, didn’t I? FML
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Top comments
doubleAbattery 0
Is it just me, or have there been a lot of FMLs about cats lately?
SimpleSimon 0
She did the right thing. Seriously, my ex and I were mid-**** when her cat decided it wanted some attention too. Ignoring him just got him more and more wound up until eventually he went ballistic and tore a chunk off me with his claws in that unpredictably traitorous way that only cats do. Not only was I **** blocked, I had a piece of my buttcheek missing, and she sided with the cat when I tried to throw him out the window.
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Comments (141)
SimpleSimon 0
She did the right thing. Seriously, my ex and I were mid-**** when her cat decided it wanted some attention too. Ignoring him just got him more and more wound up until eventually he went ballistic and tore a chunk off me with his claws in that unpredictably traitorous way that only cats do. Not only was I **** blocked, I had a piece of my buttcheek missing, and she sided with the cat when I tried to throw him out the window.
omgitsafly 0
LMFAO
mizzunderstood 0
that. is. hilarious....LMAO!!!!! XD
fricknugget 3
LMFAO!!
DameGreyWulf 1
LMFAO Now THIS is a nice ****-block FML. But yeah, when some cats are really wound up, it might be best to wind them down instead of ignore them. Ahhh leg crawling.
EndZone 0
That was brutal to read. :|
Neroflux 0
I like the punch line :)
ohhsnapp 0
hahahahha the last line made it. (: sucks. but its very entertaining.
steffibug 0
Haha! Expect it to happen a lot, my cat has a 6th sense for it, as soon as me and my boyfriend start getting intimate my cat appears next to us yowling for attention! They tend not to like there human giving someone else attention!
brrrx 0
I'm extremely sick of a) where OPs flip verb tenses during stories to try to make them more exciting, and b) stories that end in "apparently ___ is more important than i am."
c3ns0r3dn4m3 0
AHAHHA nicely said :]
KookyKitt 0
Close the door next time : )
Vilen1025 0
This sounds totally fake