Today, I woke up with my girl laying next to me in bed. When she woke up we started to get hot and heavy but all of a sudden our cat hops on the bed. I guess the cat was more important cause my girl got up started playing it instead of me. Cockblocked by another pussy. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. As we were getting into it, his cat came into the room, sat, and stared us down with what looked like disapproving eyes. After 5 minutes had gone by, we stopped completely. A cat just cockblocked me. FML
Today, I met a girl and we ended up having sex at her place. She decided to give me some head underneath the cover, and it really was great until her Garfield-sized cat decided to jump on her head and make her choke on it. Guess who got kicked out in the middle of the night for being too reckless. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were trying to get it on on the bed. As soon as things were starting to get heated, I turned over and saw that my dog had not only jumped up on the bed, but had been watching and started to hump the pillow next to our heads. FML
Today, I didn't realize my cat was sleeping in the room with me until she decided to jump on me in the middle of the night, resulting in a critical hit to my groin. FML
Today, I woke up in a guy's bed to one of his cats licking my nipples. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML
Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML
Today, I went to bed, falling asleep quickly; however, my cat decided to show up and lay on top of me, making me so uncomfortably hot and sweaty that my body immediately woke me up so I wouldn't die of a heat stroke. It's fucking 1:00 AM. He NEVER sleeps with me. FML
Today, as I was feeling frisky, I started to jack off. I was about to come when my cat attacked my hand and nether regions under the blanket. I really got the pussy, didn’t I? FML
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Top comments
doubleAbattery 0
Is it just me, or have there been a lot of FMLs about cats lately?
SimpleSimon 0
She did the right thing. Seriously, my ex and I were mid-**** when her cat decided it wanted some attention too. Ignoring him just got him more and more wound up until eventually he went ballistic and tore a chunk off me with his claws in that unpredictably traitorous way that only cats do. Not only was I **** blocked, I had a piece of my buttcheek missing, and she sided with the cat when I tried to throw him out the window.
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Comments (141)
rfarock88 0
Man, I feel your pain, this sounds like it something that would happen to me.
Horurerukul 0
I had to read this three times to get that you weren't having sex with your daughter.
cryssycakesx3 23
yeah. I hate "my girl"
lmmmr 0
Clearly she wasn't that turned on. You lose.
RESTAREA 0
Exactly! I would absolutely hate it if my boyfriend referred to me as "his girl" and I would never call him "my man." I find those phrases absolutely irritating, it's like you're saying they are, as 33 put it, either your child or an object... /rant I have to admit though, I still like the song "My Girl" :3 /hypocrisy OP, better to have a cockblocked FML than a "my bawls were scratched off by a cat" FML, just saying
Acidwash1987 0
who cares? oh no you diden't get laid. have sex later or whack off?
DameGreyWulf 1
Now I hate to admit this, but considering my current cats.... I'd probably get up and pay attention to them too instead. Though I wouldn't COMPLETELY ignore whoever was in my bed; after all, things WERE getting "hot and heavy." Most likely, I'd get up and see what the furball wanted, then come back.
moonsolomon 0
I used to have really long hair-got it cut recently- but sometimes my boyfriend and I would be in a position such that my hair would hang off the furniture (bed, couch, whatever) and be touching the floor. His cat would promptly come over and attack my hair.
nightswimmer 0
kitty can please her better :p
ryan__h 1
lol haha
RESTAREA 0
@18, If you're not first, you're last.
bob1233 0
Today, (something relating to having sex, and then getting distraced). FML All the FMLs now are about this.
kyle4321 0
ricky bobby ftw
sedthsret 0
Amen! my ex used to come to my house and pay more attention to my cat than me
hiperson3673 0
i literally lol'ed after reading this.