Today, I was drunk at a festival. I finally found the chippy, only to spend 7 quid on chips and curry sauce that my deck chair was never going to let me eat. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was so hungry and broke that I resorted to drinking salad dressing. FML
Today, I went out and got very drunk. I talked to a girl and some other people. As the girl left, someone told me to follow her as she didn't seem to know where she was going. As a drunk, socially inept idiot, I did so for about 20 seconds, only for someone to point me out to her and quickly guide her away. Then I lost like £700. FML
Today, I sat down on my couch with a nice cool beer after a tough day at work. I tried opening a bag of chips. The bag exploded, covering me in chips and crumbs, turning me into a sticky human nacho. Well, my dog certainly saw me as a snack, and I had to shower and change clothes. So much for relaxing. FML
Today, I went to have a drink with my friend. On the way I withdrew 20 bucks and when I arrived at the bar I realised I had taken my credit card but not the banknote. FML
Today, I used the last of my money to buy a bag of vending machine chips for dinner. It got stuck. A passerby saw and generously offered to buy another bag of the same chips to dislodge it. Gratefully, I accepted his offer. It stayed stuck. FML
Today, I threw up on the subway. Luckily, because I hadn’t eaten all week, it was just the seven pints of beer I'd had previously chugged. FML
Today, I was massively hungover and driving home. I had a strong suspicion that I was gonna ralph so I was smart and pulled over. I emptied the contents of my stomach into a shopping bag and was proud I didn't make a mess all over the car. Seconds later, the bottom of the bag gave out. FML
Today, I opened my fridge. It's entire contents: half a takeaway meal and 4 bottles of wine. FML
Today, I wanted to go clubbing with my friends. I started drinking at home to save on the price of drinks, instead I fell asleep on my couch. FML
Today, I got a little too drunk at my best friend's birthday party and threw up in the pub bathroom. I wiped everything up, composed myself, and went back to the party table before promptly throwing up on myself in front of the whole pub. FML
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Top comments
Vortigaunt86 18
Translated for you all. Today, I was drunk at a festival. I finally found the fish and chip shop, only to spend £7 on chips and curry flavoured sauce, but because I was drunk I sat on my camping chair wrong, my chair fell side ways causing me not to eat my food properly.
BurnInDemonFire 39
Look at it this way. By toppling to the side, instead of ass over head, you didn't faceplant your food, and it doesn't look like you spilled it, either. Kudos to whoever was sober enough to take the photo.
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Comments (6)
hmcgrath1 9
I don’t understand any of this 😭
alycion 39
Normally drunk is an auto YDI, but that could have happened sober too. Those chairs are masterminds of collapsing at the worst possible times. Sorry about your dinner.
Vortigaunt86 18
Translated for you all. Today, I was drunk at a festival. I finally found the fish and chip shop, only to spend £7 on chips and curry flavoured sauce, but because I was drunk I sat on my camping chair wrong, my chair fell side ways causing me not to eat my food properly.
BurnInDemonFire 39
Look at it this way. By toppling to the side, instead of ass over head, you didn't faceplant your food, and it doesn't look like you spilled it, either. Kudos to whoever was sober enough to take the photo.
Jasin Smith 7
I'm 'Murica we call those French fries. I prefer Freedom fries. Either way they're still expensive as hell at festivals!