Today, I introduced my parrot to oranges. Now she makes a high pitched scream if I don't give her any, and I've just run out of oranges. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my parrot learned how to imitate my baby's crying. Now, every time the baby cries, the parrot joins in, and it sounds like a chorus of screaming. FML
Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML
Today, I was driving my parrot home from the vet. As I was driving home, I decided to let her sit on my shoulder. Something scared her, and she started flapping in my face, causing me to crash my car into a tree. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML
Today, I went caroling with some family friends. We got pelted with oranges. FML
Today, I woke up at 3:00 am to the sound of a bird screeching. Turns out, my roommate bought a parrot without consulting me first. Even better, my roommate expects me to pay for half of the bird's expenses. FML
Today, it was my daughter's birthday. She had been wanting a cat for a long time, so I went to the animal shelter and got an orange one. As soon as she saw it, she ran upstairs screaming, "GINGER! GINGER!" She refuses to come downstairs until I get rid of "the soulless creature." FML
Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML
Today, I found out my ten year-old brother and his best friend have taught our new parrot to say, "Shut up, bitch." We have a bunch of our extended family coming over tomorrow to see what the parrot can say. FML
Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML
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Top comments
iAmScrubs 19
Be gentle when you break the news to it, but the parrot needs to go to rehab. It might be screaming now, but the next step is orange juice injections.
firegirl1993 21
Polly want an orange
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Comments (183)
the_easter_bunny 1
Well get to the store and get the bird what she wants!
gingerftw 0
I didn't know birds screamed. Learn something new everyday.
JaykeXD 9
Orange. orange doctor scalpel scalpel doct...wait what?! it's okay nurse, I'm not a doctor but I play one on tv:P
CryMoreFMLs 15
Are you high?
JaykeXD 9
hm no I just have an amazing sense of humor
cupcakegirl93 8
"introduced my parrot to oranges" - you make it sound like you introduced him to drugs or something lol, anyways still pretty funny and kind of cute!
hatepineapple 14
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Put oven rack in middle position and preheat oven to 475°F. Stir together salt, coriander, cumin, and pepper. Pat parrot dry and sprinkle inside and out with spice mixture. Cut 1 half of orange into quarters and put in parrot cavity with thyme, marjoram, parsley, and 4 onion wedges. Squeeze juice from remaining half of orange and stir together with wine and stock. Set aside. Spread remaining 4 onion wedges in roasting pan with carrot and celery, then place parrot on top of vegetables and roast 30 minutes. Pour wine mixture into roasting pan and reduce oven temperature to 350°F. Continue to roast parrot until thermometer inserted into a thigh (close to but not touching bone) registers 170°F, 1 to 1 1/4 hours more. Turn on broiler and broil parrot 3 to 4 inches from heat until top is golden brown, about 3 minutes. Tilt parrot to drain juices from cavity into pan and transfer parrot to a cutting board, reserving juices in pan. Let parrot stand 15 minutes. Meanwhile... While parrot roasts, cook sugar in a dry 1-quart heavy saucepan over moderate heat, undisturbed, until it begins to melt. Continue to cook, stirring occasionally with a fork, until sugar melts into a deep golden caramel. Add orange juice, vinegar, and salt (use caution; mixture will bubble and steam vigorously) and simmer over low heat, stirring occasionally, until caramel is dissolved. Remove syrup from heat. Discard vegetables from roasting pan and pour pan juices through a fine-mesh sieve into a 1-quart glass measure or bowl, then skim off and discard fat. Add enough stock to pan juices to total 1 cup liquid. Stir together butter and flour to form a beurre manié. Bring pan juices to a simmer in a 1- to 2-quart heavy saucepan, then add beurre manié, whisking constantly to prevent lumps. Add orange syrup and zest and simmer, whisking occasionally, until sauce is thickened slightly and zest is tender, about 5 minutes. Serve with parrot. Bon Appetit!
Brool_Story_Co 17
TL DR
HahaYDI 0
Exactly how long did that take you to write?
obsydian_fml 3
Darn. Too long to thumb down on my phone. Booooo. :c
Brool_Story_Co 17
What phone do you have, I could thumb it down just fine on mine
upwardSpiral 4
I acctually liked that, being a sous-chef it made me laugh. and I think he copy/pasted it. ;)
Brool_Story_Co 17
Did you actually read the whole thing. How long did that take?
upwardSpiral 4
a minute or two, not that long, unless you are incredibly rushed, if that's the case you should not be perusing this sight at all
Brool_Story_Co 17
I think you mean site
wishfulmidget 0
yes
kitesflyhigh4 1
Cool story bro....
CryMoreFMLs 15
I read the entire thing. It made me kinda hungry.
hatepineapple 14
--*ignore*--
xrainbowshadowx 17
Oranges...the new parrot drug haha :P
raphanne_fml 33
Ask Perdix to introduce her to durian! Believe me, she won't bother you anymore :D
yankfan89 27
Feed it one last orange and then sell it back to the pet store or some other unsuspecting person.
whiterabbit420 4
Seriously? It's a bird. Throw a sheet over it's cage and it will fall asleep.
ShyAnn29 15
Obviously you don't know what's it's like having a pet bird