Today, as I was walking home, three burly men suddenly began to approach me. Thinking they were going to mug me, I reached for my pocketknife and said, "Stay away, I have a knife." Turns out they just wanted directions to an ice cream shop for their daughters, who were now bawling their eyes out. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was walking down the street in the dark, and the woman in front of me kept looking back nervously. I jokingly assured her that I wasn't a mugger. She then took out a knife and mugged me. FML
Today, I went on a trip to Cleveland. After getting lunch, my brother and I started walking back to my car. Halfway there, we were jumped, threatened with a knife, and yelled at to hand over our money. The only thing my brother could do was ask our mugger, "Uh, what gender are you?" FML
Today, I decided i wouldn't take the bus back home from uni, instead I walked to the metro. On my way there, I saw a couple of odd-looking guys, but I thought, "Nah, just because they wear big hoodies and caps doesn't mean they're doing anything", so I ignored them. Two minutes later they mugged me in broad daylight. FML
Today, someone tried to mug me. I panicked and ran. As they chased me with their knife out, I heard a slip and a shout behind me but kept running. Six blocks later I was spotted, arrested, and held for questioning by the police. The mugger fell, stabbed themselves, and told a cop that I did it. FML
Today, on the way home, a guy yelled "Hey, YOU!" from behind me, so I walked faster. He ran up to me, shouting, "I said stop, asshole!" I almost pissed myself in fear, thinking I was being mugged. Turns out I'd left my wallet at the grocery store, and he was just trying to return it. FML
Today, I was walking to the movie theatre with my boyfriend, when three guys muscled over and told us to hand over our phones. My boyfriend didn't waste any time pushing past me and running like hell, leaving me in tears and almost having a panic attack. FML
Today, I got mugged. As the guys who took my purse were about to walk away, my cellphone rang in my pocket. FML
Today, I was out with my grandma when a pair of very shady guys approached us in the street, hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride, she pulled a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck, gran? FML
Today, I was walking home when a stranger came up to me and told me to give him a good reason why he shouldn't punch me in the face. I guess none were good enough. FML
Today, some guy on the street threatened to stab me. I called his bluff, and walked away. He wasn't bluffing. FML
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Top comments
redbluegreen 41
Mafia leaders see their daughters during the week too. What's wrong with you?
Tedet 0
They had their daughters with them at the time? If so, then you're an idiot.
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Comments (146)
fckaduck 0
Pretty sure if they were gonna rob you, they wouldn't give a shit about your little pocket knife anyway, and that would have just pissed them off more. YDI for stereotyping. God, I hate that shit.
plexico 4
They asked for directions but all they saw was the Rocky Road of Paranoia.
mevyhetal 0
What the hell would you have done with a pocket knife anyway....loser
mike1921 0
...Are you serious? Stabbing?
Fett 0
Way to go Captain America.... douche...
_THE_MASTER_ 0
3 burly men vs a little wanker with a pocket knife. If they were going to mug you, I'm sure your pocket knife would also end up lodged in one of your orifices. which one, I can't say. guess it would depend on how pissed off you got them.
x_sta 0
Children are hard to miss, how could you have not seen them?
Gavik 0
Were they black? If so, as a W.A.S.P., you were completely justified.
DrunkenValor 0
Then obviously this was your prime chance to mug three fathers, why do people waste such oppertunities?
mylyfsukswbu 0
Don't judge a book by its cover :)
Polin13 0
... judge it by its movie ;)
rukusrazor 0
Assumptions are the mother of all **** ups. YDI