Today, I was walking down the street in the dark, and the woman in front of me kept looking back nervously. I jokingly assured her that I wasn't a mugger. She then took out a knife and mugged me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, someone tried to mug me. I panicked and ran. As they chased me with their knife out, I heard a slip and a shout behind me but kept running. Six blocks later I was spotted, arrested, and held for questioning by the police. The mugger fell, stabbed themselves, and told a cop that I did it. FML
Today, while going to work, I was mugged. On the way back, I was mugged. FML
Today, a man tried to mug me. I actually apologized to him for not having my wallet on me. FML
Today, my girlfriend totally emasculated me and made me a laughing stock when we got mugged and, instead of just handing over her purse like the guy said, she took out a stun gun and used it on him while I freaked out and cried. Now all my friends are laughing at me. FML
Today, a man pulled a knife on me just so he could mug me of the cigarette I was smoking. FML
Today, I was walking through a rough part of town, when a woman screamed that I'd stolen her bag. I was tackled to the ground by a large guy, who then gave my bag to her. FML
Today, I was lost in a new town, so I asked a woman for directions. For some reason, she seemed to avoid me. About halfway down the block, she quickly turned around, and the next thing I remember is my eyes stinging like hell. Apparently she thought I was a mugger and maced me. FML
Today, I was walking back to my home in the city in the dark. I'm paranoid, so when I saw movement behind me I clutched my mace. The faster I walked, the closer the person seemed to be. I spun around and sprayed my attacker with mace. It was my shadow and the wind blew the mace back into eyes. FML
Today, I got mugged. After taking my cell phone, the guy politely said: "Thanks. Have a nice evening. Be careful on your way home." FML
Today, I saw a my neighbor being mugged on the street. I wanted to help, so I tried to yank her purse from the mugger's hands. I guess my neighbor didn't see me clearly, because she thought I was another mugger and kicked my directly in the Hacky Sacks. FML
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Top comments
liv_graham 7
irony at its finest.
danial1214 21
Pepper spray works wonders in these situations
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Comments (89)
danial1214 21
Pepper spray works wonders in these situations
qwillis98 20
Or in my case carrying a auto-knife works wonders when someone tries to mug you you pop out a knife and say "Come get some bitch!"
RaggleFrock 13
Did anyone else think of phoebe and Ross from friends?
VIPwhenever 15
Or pocket sand.
Megan98 18
Or a stun gun!
desoto96 9
Or the balls to stand up to someone armed with a knife.
Pretty_reckless_fml 18
37- true, but there's standing up for yourself and there's giving your material possessions to someone who could potentially kill/wound you
jarrettd 27
Your not going to mug me?? Ok i'll mug you then. How's that sound?
BlakesHonestLie 8
This FML is why rule number 1 is always cardio. You can't get stabbed if they can't catch you.
wlddog 14
Why doesn't having a firearm come to anyones mind? A concealed license is not hard to get. I carry pretty often and if I would have seen this or been OP she would not have been happy.
desoto96 9
43 - also true, but it's been my experience that people who resort to mugging other people for there income usually aren't trained with weapon they carry. This being said, fighting someone who's armed isn't as hard as you'd think.
desoto96 9
74 - agreed, but I've learned from experience that guns aren't a popular topic on here. If I'm not mistaken the sight is based out of Europe, so that's probably why.
mb2_native 15
Having a concealed weapon here is completely illegal, there are no permits unless you are an officer. Wish it was like Texas.
wlddog 14
I pity people that are not allowed to defend themselves. (little MrT joke). Seriously, the criminals will have guns whenever they want them. Why not give law abiding citizens the chance to at least be on equal terms with the criminals? I would never live in cities or states that ban firearms. There is always too much crime.
Aerostudent 1
Because turning a mugging into a homicide would've made this situation SO much better for everyone involved. Don't know about you, but I don't see the contents of my wallet as being worth ending another person's life over - why you would want a gun in a situation like this when you could have something practical like pepper spray or a tazer is beyond me.
wlddog 14
85 Its called removing crime from the streets. Good example, Spiderman. Todays thug is tomorrows murderer. The criminal mind gains confidence every time he is successful, and is eventually willing to take on bigger and bigger jobs. People get killed during muggings pretty often as well. Just because he has your wallet does not mean you are safe.
Offspring_fml 27
#85 - Nobody said you had to kill the mugger. They pull a knife on you, you unholster your gun and tell them to walk.
Serisent 26
See, I wouldn't have made the joke. Maybe if she thought you were a mugger as well, she wouldn't have tried to mug you. Solidarity and all.
Rumbelle_fml 22
You mean "honour among thieves"?
TheDrifter 24
Nope, muggers union rules. Wouldn't want a grievance filled against her.
interesting33 37
Or just fear
liv_graham 7
irony at its finest.
ocramavaf 15
well you dident lie
Harshdfml 14
No, he dident..!
rossdavids 16
she is a muggerfu**er!!
BntyHntrSeattle 30
Or a muggermugger ;)
j_cat187 20
#44 ...And you killed it, badly. You should feel bad!
someguy314159265 15
Isn't she a mugger, rather than someone who f**ks muggers?
GothickNihilist 15
That is why I wear steel toed boots. One swift kick to the ribs and bam , no more mugger.
cliffibom 15
The mugger is still there, just with a cracked rib perhaps
GothickNihilist 15
Very true, however they think twice about mugging another person.
LuckBeNimble 19
24: perhaps. that, or they'll use a gun next time! O:
mb2_native 15
7, I have a folding knife on my belt at all times. Not because I'm scared to be mugged or anything, I just use it for everyday purposes and for opening boxes at work. So I'm good if someone tries to mug me with a knife.. (Legal carrying limit here is under 4 1/2") and mine is exactly 4 1/2 so I break no law :) and I would never use it in a normal fight because that's just dumb and being a "pussy"
The_Honey_Badger 17
Wow, that sucks.
soja_fml 18
Thank you captain obvious!!
Gestpacho88 12
Thank you so much for enlightening us #8.
Curtar2 18
that's why I carry a set of knives on me.
Harpy20 24
A whole set? Do you just grab your cutlery like car keys on the way out?
GothickNihilist 15
Do you perhaps mean a deluxe Swiss army knife, or an entire set of knives. Either way you follow rule 9. *rule 9 is " never go anywhere without your knife "*
Harpy20 24
Oh the irony.
DragonText 4
I never feel comfortable walking behind someone at night male or female or them walking behind me. This is why you should change your pace, or go to the other side of the street. Super simple stuff.