Merde alors !

Keeping it in the family

Today, I discovered that my husband's recent business trip to France was actually a filthy holiday in Blackpool with my sister. FML

Today, I taught my girlfriend some French. She then used her newfound language to break up with me. FML

Not now!

Today, on my long-awaited vacation, I got a phone call from my sister. Her childhood friend died. She bawled on the phone, and my plans were ruined. My husband said it was selfish of her to do such a thing when she knew we were on vacation, so she ramped up the drama times ten. She and her friend used to bully me. FML

Today, my daughter's idea of a prank was taking all of our money and getting herself arrested. FML

Delulu

Today, my mom scolded me for ruining my sister's "vacation" here. She just got deported from abroad, and was only gone for 2 months after falling for a marriage scam. Now she deludes to herself that she was born and raised there, and claims not to understand our mother tongue, calling it third world primate language. FML

Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML

Unreasonable

Today, my mother disowned me because I wouldn’t fill out her visa application for France so that she can see her boyfriend. The reason why I refused was because my husband and I are on our honeymoon, and would like to spend some time together. I guess that makes me a “useless” daughter. FML

This is going to be great!

Today, after we got married five months ago, my wife and I planned a trip to France and Spain as a honeymoon. We’re supposed to be leaving on Saturday. She just told me last night, “I am so not looking forward to the trip.” FML

C'est la langue de l'amour!

Today, my French teacher set up a role-play scenario to act out in front of the class. During one of my lines, I mispronounced a phrase and called my teacher sexy. FML

Cheap labor

Today, on my family vacation, I tried to put my foot down and declare that my daughter would absolutely not be babysitting anyone's kids. Everyone got mad and made us go home. FML