Today, I locked myself in the bathroom and started spanking the ferret. I started to get really into it when my dad started pounding on the door and yelled, "Son, that's great staying power, but can you finish up already?" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was taking a dump, when my dad shouted for me to go wash the dishes. Fed up with his constant shit, I told him to bite me. He took this as an invitation to wedge the bathroom door shut for nearly two hours, despite all my pleas and apologies. FML
Today, I shut the door to the bedroom so my wife and I could have a serious talk. Unfortunately, the cat stuck his paw under the door and started flailing around, causing me to bust up laughing at a bad moment. My wife was furious, threw a water bottle at me, and locked me out overnight. FML
Today, I desperately needed to pee, but my mom was in the bathroom taking a shower, so I waited patiently until she finished. Just as I was about to go in, my half-naked dad rushed ahead, said "Going somewhere, son?" and shut the door on me. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me using the bathroom. After rushing out, he yelled at me through the door for not locking it. He made up the "no locking the doors inside the house" rule. FML
Today, my dad unlocked the bathroom door and barged in without warning only to catch me, with no clothes on, masturbating. He said, "sorry" but stayed for another 20 seconds to look for his shampoo. FML
Today, I heard my step-dad hitting my mom, and her begging him to stop, so I grabbed my cricket bat, ran in, and almost brained him. Luckily I stopped in time, because they were both naked having sex. Apparently my mom likes extreme spanking. Eww. FML
Today, I was getting out of the shower and realized I’d forgotten to lock the bathroom lock. I heard someone coming towards the door and panicked. I hid behind the curtain and tried to stay completely still, but my dad walked in, saw me standing there like a statue, and just said, “Oh, erm, I’ll come back later.” FML
Today, while shopping with my father, I had to use the restroom. As soon as I opened the door to the men's room, my father yelled that it was the ladies' room. I then turned around and went through the other door, where I ended up getting bitch-slapped. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me jacking off. He swore and told me to lock my door next time. Later on I heard him snickering and telling my mom that I "jack off real weird." FML
Today, I got into an argument with my dad in his hotel room. I lost my temper and stormed out onto the balcony for some fresh air, at which point he decided to lock the door behind me, trapping me there for half an hour while he watched TV. FML
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Top comments
mozeltov 7
why were you beating your pet ferret?
CitrusGirl 0
42- That comment was made so much better by the cat in your picture.
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Comments (214)
prettygirl2135 2
first!
Allie614032 34
I have never heard the expression "spanking the ferret" before. I literally thought that he was spanking a pet ferret until his dad started knocking. Whoops :/
jsx12345 0
lol
johnson94 5
the way people phrase things just worry me at times.
adjacent 2
Why does the first person always respond with one word? I think they just want to be the first person to comment, but if you want to be the first person and make it count you should write something really sophisticated and astonishing so people actually have something to comment on!
urdirtyolduncle 15
28-- Because they're assholes who act like rabid dogs when they see they have a chance to become 1st. So, they quickly rush, in hopes to get some sort of fulfillment or meaning their life, to comment like their life depends on it. To make the process faster, they write seemingly stupid comments such as "hahaha," "lol," "lmao," or dear I say the word that sends all mods to an anger frenzy: "First!" People who write first, with some incredibly stupid comment, should just follow it up with, "(Im'a douchebag.) Should lol or haha or lmao be considered a comment? They should get moderated for being so annoying!
LairaIsKindaCool 6
46- it's better than first ...
HugeRedRash 0
awww 28 umad cause you couldn't comment first? poor baby
EllOfficial 6
seriously? this is a website. you clearly are giving too much of a **** if you're writing novels about the content in first comments. use all that energy you put in lipping randoms and put it in bettering your community.
princessRiRi97 0
73- i think u just wrote a novel also!
pinstriped31 7
this. is. much. worse.
danishay 4
I thought he ment a actually ferret at first...
staceysgenesis16 0
welll thatsss fantastic ahaha ... awwwwkkwwwaarrdd
garzanic000 0
112- I thought the exact same!! lol
zendaddy0 0
spanking the ferret wow that's a weird fetish
sweetkitty26 0
wait .. ferret? omg it's a dick! so he's calling his dick hairy? I dnt think he means 'spanking' either wats staying power..? ur from Saudi Arabia on a mostly English speaking website.. plz dnt let us be confused with pumping ur dick to animal abuse so confusing ):
littlemissFYL 5
spank the ferret? what the ****? do you torture the parrot, too?
nlang08048 0
same it took me a while to figure it out i thoght his dad thought he was jacking off when he was just hitting his pet ferrot
ydi_4_suking 20
choke the chicken. beating the meat. releaseing potential children out to the wilderness. but why hit a poor ferret? of all things to do in a bathroom...
flickyourbic1223 7
46 and 68 are so right. Also people who reply ON the first comment without actually replying TO the first comment. It just screams "hey I just want to get my comment near the top." 115 you are the most annoying commenter ever. Can someone second that?
Blueglasscup 18
29-But isn't he second?
staceysgenesis16 0
170... do you hate me or something? because i dont believe ive done anything to hurt you in life? i appologize for my "annoying" comments. if youdont like them, dont let them bother you.
lovin_darkness 0
153- it says hes from Saudi Arabia. learn to read
collegegirl87 0
173, I think 153 is implying that the OP lied about his location.
rewshrew 0
ummmm....
urdirtyolduncle 15
48-- When OP wrote "Spanking the ferret," he meant he was masturbating. Does life seem more clear now?
hardnerkid 8
Oh whoops this FML inspired me to go out and spank a ferret
Xtra_Cheddar 3
At first I was like "why was he spanking his pet ferret?" then I was like "ooooohhhhhh" that's a new one
zyxwvutsrqponmlk_fml 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
YDI for living.
mozeltov 7
why were you beating your pet ferret?
EverybodyHatesCh 0
I know right. thats missed up!!!! ferret abuse!!!
savs11 13
I like petting my pussy.
CitrusGirl 0
42- That comment was made so much better by the cat in your picture.
ramurrump 0
lol
thisdue1775 0
that's hot ;)
IdontWanna69 8
So it took me a while to realize what he was referring to. I'm usually on top of these things, but I've never heard if this one before. But hey, maybe the sick **** really was abusing his pet ferret?
daybowbow 0
I'm just gonna take this opportunity to say I might actually hit a ferret, because they're ******* disgusting. *prepares weaponry for PETA-scumfuck ranting*
Yousuck24 21
Why didn't he say penis? Is he 5?
mozeltov 7
I think it's a cultural thing. I mean Americans say "beat the/my meat"
longboarder95 0
I wonder how you would've response to him saying he was buffing the banana
billyXcore 0
bahahaha! I have 2 ferrets and at first was like 'waaaat?? why would you want to hurt them!!!' but I get it now.
cowmeleon 2
hahahahaha and this comment has 69 likes...
QBGirl123 8
LOL omg i'm dying, all this new terminology is killing me
gregorrok1 0
This comment has probably the most likes I've ever seen haha
mlebethbear 0
that's gross!!!!!!!
calaribinix 5
I like ur cat -42
falloutking12349 0
Heres some I found.... Slap yo meat,beat the duck,handle your snake,flail the penis, choke it out, and finally abuse the ferret
adjacent 2
Yes, I enjoy spanking ferret's too, or maybe even squirrels, thats also something that makes me happy, too bad they are too hard to spank sometimes and come at you.
uncbballwins 0
Hahahaha. Oh wait.... Not funny
uncbballwins 0
okay.... what the **** FML? you just switched 6 and 7's spots.. making me look like an asshole.
Got_any_grapes1 4
Fail.
manny2 0
that's pretty funny
Idonebeenhad 17
They come at you powered by nuts
HugeRedRash 0
You must have been loud
uncbballwins 0
hahahahah... oh wait... that's not funny..
HugeRedRash 0
Who said I was trying to be funny, bro?
uncbballwins 0
damn bro meant for number 7 my bad homez
HugeRedRash 0
It's aight bro
octinate 17
no cause that takes time and they would then not be first
Sweetpea137 0
love you picture
RogueLeader123 7
I voted up just for your pic
NinjaKat99 0
what pic?
VampireKiller59 0
WHEATLEY! (im not sure if thats how you spell it)
uncbballwins 0
Yea he wanted a turn
awkward_turtles 1
I don't get it why was he spanking a ferret? :/
RyanMacVey 17
ahahahahaha thats just funny mate... yer dad is kool.
illmatic2 16
I'm really not much of a grammar Nazi. But your spelling just pisses me off. Seriously, try not to type like a 3 year old.
HugeRedRash 0
21 get over it and find better things to do with your time
uncbballwins 0
why is gayboii still on FML?
4XxXo_OxXx4 0
26-no idea
Bravo11 14
What did gayboii "do?" I've seen people question his appearance multiple times.
FMLandurstoo 9
he gives pens ********
staceysgenesis16 0
i like the way gayboii types !! its in a scott accent n i find it humorous !! so *** off >=
4XxXo_OxXx4 0
because he says "mate" it sounds Scottish? idts.
winstoningram 0
21- piss of ya prick, he's Scottish aswell as me, we speak like that, deal wi it
illmatic2 16
I don't give a **** what you are. It's not hard to use semi-proper English.
staceysgenesis16 0
no actually i wasnt referring to the word "mate" ... for example when he said "yer" .. your an idiot ..
staceysgenesis16 0
148 .. i understand where ur coming from but and i understand that your a grammer nazi but i dont think anybody gives a *** .. :]
Just_ol_Kole 0
his uhhh... His name is gayboii. I think that's enough reason
RyanMacVey 17
Oh the joys of coming across my old FML comments. -_-
Idonebeenhad 17
I like the last sentence in your profile^ :) Btw, did you make a new acc, or did you get a mod to change your name?
cammiixy 4
by ferret u mean ur dick right???
mrahhhhh 21
No. He means his balls. DISCLAIMER: Never spank your balls. Unless you plan to film it and put it on YouTube.
4XxXo_OxXx4 0
are you retarded? you should know he means that he was spanking his GERBIL, which is VERY taboo, so he wrote ferret. you should have caught on to the fact that he meant gerbil instead of ferret...
Bon3less 0
I'm calling PETA just to be sure