Man of faith

Today, I went to confession. I told the priest that I had an intimate relationship with a woman that I'm not married to. He chuckled and said, "You know, lying is a sin too." I wasn't lying. FML

Today, I called a priest "lame". He responded jokingly with "God will smite you!" I laughed and walked out the door. I tripped and broke my ankle. FML

Dat ass

Today, my boss slapped me on the ass and said, "Good work, princess." FML

The Passion of the Christ

Today, while helping at my grandma's church, the new Orthodox Priest encouraged me to come to confession because he was sure I would have "a lot of stories to tell" and finished by seductively winking at me. FML

Today, I learned that the cute pet name my boyfriend has been calling me for the past month is actually an acronym for "pain in the a**". FML

Today, during a conversation, my boss said, "What, what?" Before I could stop myself, I replied, "In the butt." FML

Today, my dad had fun embarrassing me as much as possible in my parent-teacher conference by moaning whenever the teacher talked. FML

Today, my boss reprimanded me for a huge screw-up that he was responsible for. FML

Leech

Today, after telling my boss that trailing a hand up someone's leg and leering at them constantly is counted as sexual harassment, I got called an "unappreciative little whiny bitch." FML

Difficult

Today, a patient, who is normally pretty chill, was being quite difficult for my workmates. They were whinging about him and I defended him, he's normally a sweet guy so something must be upsetting him. I went to chat with him, he punched me and called a useless a**hole. FML