Today, while helping at my grandma's church, the new Orthodox Priest encouraged me to come to confession because he was sure I would have "a lot of stories to tell" and finished by seductively winking at me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my grandmother convinced me to come to a church meeting with her. My grandmother then made funny faces at me while the pastor was speaking, causing me to laugh out loud. Everyone heard me, including the pastor. FML
Today, I went to confession. I told the priest that I had an intimate relationship with a woman that I'm not married to. He chuckled and said, "You know, lying is a sin too." I wasn't lying. FML
Today, while I was in confession telling my sins to the priest, he called me a "pain in the ass." FML
Today, I was cleaning at work when an elderly gentleman walked towards me, paused, and with a wink said, "That's what I like to see: a girl on her knees." This is the same workplace where another old man informed me that my yellow uniform made me look like a "suggestive cheesecake." FML
Today, I was helping out at my church. At lunchtime, a really cute guy my age walked over and told me I was pretty. I was flattered, until I turned around and saw his annoyed buddies handing him several dollar bills. FML
Today, as I was bent over at my waitressing job, an elderly woman walked by and smacked my ass. I looked at her, shocked, and she said, "It was too tempting with you bent over like that, I have a dirty old mind." I didn't know whether to be flattered or horrified. Maybe both. FML
Today, a 65-ish year-old man told me that he's married and not supposed to look at other women, but that I tempt him. All while sitting next to his wife, who then told me I was going to hell. FML
Today, whilst visiting one of my distant cousins for the first time in years, she came onto me. After gently explaining to her that this was inappropriate, she broke down in tears. Whilst I awkwardly comforted her, she started stroking my inner thigh, apparently still trying to seduce me. FML
Today, at my job as a funeral director, I fell ass over heels into the grave in front of a hundred mourners and an unamused Catholic priest. FML
Today, I made out with my friend for the first time. He gave me a hickey that can't be hidden. I'm the president of my church youth group and I have to help give a seminar on keeping your body like a holy temple... Tomorrow. FML
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Top comments
Glowworm56 27
Something tells me it's the priest that should be doing all the confessing...
Tripartita 45
“Alright, the story I’ve brought to tell you is called Twilight.” “That’s not how—“ “But I’m low on time, so I’ll just set my phone here and play the audiobook.” “You need to—“ “I hear you trying to exit the booth. I noticed it didn’t have a lock on it, but that was nothing a trip to the hardware store couldn’t fix. Anyway, enjoy the audiobook. I gotta run!”
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Comments (8)
Glowworm56 27
Something tells me it's the priest that should be doing all the confessing...
RichardPencil 32
Go to confession, say “PornHub.com,” wink and leave. He won’t bother you for your soft-**** “stories” anymore.
Tripartita 45
“Alright, the story I’ve brought to tell you is called Twilight.” “That’s not how—“ “But I’m low on time, so I’ll just set my phone here and play the audiobook.” “You need to—“ “I hear you trying to exit the booth. I noticed it didn’t have a lock on it, but that was nothing a trip to the hardware store couldn’t fix. Anyway, enjoy the audiobook. I gotta run!”
Chazzster 32
It looks like you need to stay away from that creep. And I recommend telling your grandmother exactly what he said.
sweetbliss3 37
what is a seductive wink anyway? are you sure he just doesn't have a spasm or something?
GhostFox 34
No... just... go away. The sort of behavior the priest engaged in was very obvious, and the fact you are trying to excuse it away is disgusting. What you just said? One of the reasons why victims of sexual harassment keep quiet- they know they won't be believed.
sweetbliss3 37
I'm not excusing anything but I'm also not the type to jump to conclusions without knowing all the facts either. getting someone in trouble for no reason isn't my style. I asked a legit question. a lot of people have eye spasms or a twitchy eye. I have no idea what a seductive wink looks like.