Today, I stole a bite of my boyfriend's hamburger. He threw a fit, saying I took too big a bite and I had to replace it with a new, more expensive one. Afterwards, he said how lucky I was he didn't break up with me then and there. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while waiting outside a liquor store for my boyfriend, a drunk guy leaned over my shoulder, took a large bite out of my burger, and walked away. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML
Today, I treated my boyfriend to an expensive dinner using the last of my paycheck. I had to excuse myself to the bathroom a few minutes in. I came back to find my plate empty. His excuse was, "I didn't want the food to get cold." FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't share food after I tried taking a chip from him. I made popcorn that night, and when he tried to take some, I said, "I'm sorry, I don't share food" to get him back. His response? "I can tell." FML
Today my boyfriend tried to be sexy and rip off my underwear. Instead, he bit a chunk out of my hip. FML
Today, I was eating lunch with my boyfriend when I started choking. My boyfriend took it as an opportunity to sneak food off my plate. FML
Today, after eating out with my boyfriend, we went for a drive, but ended up getting into an argument. I reached back to grab my bag and storm out of the car. He thought I was trying to take the restaurant's doggy bag and lunged at me. My boyfriend would rather save chicken than our relationship. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were fighting in the car, I paused to take a bite of my burrito. Just at that moment, he slammed on the brakes, causing me to deepthroat my burrito. I threw up all over myself. He won the argument. FML
Today, I was eating pizza with my boyfriend and my friends. I was laughing and talking and went for another piece when my boyfriend grabbed my wrist and said that I had had enough. My friends all backed him up. FML
Today, my boyfriend stole a guy's cookie. As revenge, he stole my iPod. FML
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Top comments
amart402 0
so break up with him. duh.
dreamer13 0
Ass Alert
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Comments (274)
gluesniff3r 3
OMG! you don't steal a man's burger. YDO
biwinning88 1
I don't think you deserve it, its a bite of a ******* burger, nothing huge... and if he flips out and is a HUGE Dick abo
biwinning88 1
I don't think you deserve it, its a bite of a ******* burger, nothing huge... and if he flips out and is a HUGE Dick about something so small I can't even imagine what he'd do over something serious... he sounds like a child, dump him
eminoacid5 0
lol what a douchebag
boomboompow_fml 1
Tell him that you promise you will never put anything of his in your mouth again. Including his dick. What an ass.
Disembob 16
I'd go up to the counter order the cheapest one and tell them to spit on it
bingolittle 0
Sounds like you should not steal his food.
Chigagigaroo 0
All I cAn say is that he's a jerk and you can't mess with a man's food. :/
xXRiah_GirlXx 9
Why'd you replace it? **** up...
LilAngel606 5
what a dick brake up with him