Today, my boyfriend and I went to the beach. I though he was being really sweet by putting sunscreen on my back as I layed on my stomach. I got home later, and felt that my back was sore. Then I saw the giant penis on my back that been burnt in. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it was boiling hot so my boyfriend and I decided to sunbathe in the garden and ended up falling asleep for a few hours. Not only is my back so burnt that I can't lie down, I also have a white hand print on my upper back where my boyfriend had left his arm while we slept. FML
Today, I was at the beach and fell asleep in the sun. When I woke up, there was a blob of sunscreen on my leg. Thinking it was my boyfriend who was sweet enough to squeeze sunscreen for me, I rubbed it into my leg. After smelling my hands, I discovered it was bird poop. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were outside tanning in the sun. I asked her if she could put some sunscreen on my back. Thinking it would be funny, she used the lotion to write "I Love Little Boys". I work as a children's swimming instructor. FML
Today, I went to the beach with my friends to show off my engagement ring. I fell asleep in the sun and woke up extremely sunburnt to a text from my boyfriend confessing that he's been cheating on me. I gave him the ring back. Now I have its tan line on my finger. FML
Today, after having a naked wrestle with my boyfriend, I discovered he'd left a skidmark on my stomach. FML
Today, I was tanning by the pool. My friend put his arms under my back and knees and picked me up. He threw me across the kiddy pool to my boyfriend, shouting "Catch!" My boyfriend didn't catch me. Instead of a tan, I have a huge bruise. FML
Today, I was at the beach with my boyfriend in Key West. I had gotten a bikini wax and new swimsuit for the occasion. My boyfriend was being romantic until he pulled a long hair from a mole on my leg. It's all fun and games until the mole starts bleeding, profusely. FML
Today, I was cuddling with the man I've been seeing, and he started caressing the mammoth of all pimples on my back. He continued fondling me while lecturing me on the dangers of skin cancer. FML
Today, I woke up to find some really weird stuff in my bed. We just got back from vacation in Florida, and my husband burned really bad. I woke up to his peeled off skin all over my face. FML
Today, at the beach, my boyfriend picked me up and carried me over his shoulder. I felt my bikini top come undone in the process. I panicked and pulled down on his shorts. We were fined for indecent exposure. FML
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Top comments
Anteezy 7
haha genius.
aback 5
He wanted to be able to say that his dick had made you sore, and that was the only way.
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Comments (151)
Confuzzledmuch 0
I never said regularly her school ball might be coming up or she could have a party to go to. just because people have lives doesn't mean they can't be on fml, is there done sort of criteria I didn't know about?
fnyunj 3
Wait; you got sunburnt at the beach on December 16th? I'm scraping ice off of my car windows in the dark at 7 am. Your life does not suck. (your BF is an abusive jerk by the way, what he did is not okay, stay with him, and in a few years you'll be like: "My husband slapped me around again today, but said he couldn't help it because I didn't vacuum the rugs. Why didn't I vacuum the rugs?. FML")
Firate 3
She's from Australia. It's summer over there?
lilah09 0
hahaha wtf is wrong with you! this is not abuse! its clearly not a big deal! i mean yeah its a funny thing to post on fml but i dont think shes taking it seriously, it jsut sucks to have a penis on your back for a while. We here in Aus are quite laid back, its humorous, even if it is immature
the_sodomizer 0
wow everyone takes things to seriously "he's immature dump him" if everyone was so mature there would be no fun. I think it's hilarious
sosadrightnow 4
This is what you do: offer to put sunscreen on his back and do the same thing. You could wear a tankini that could cover you're back at the beach. He couldn't cover it up.
Wizzards_fml 0
hey pleb you are an asshole **** off
Monkey_love 0
You should dump him because your penis is bigger than his.
minor_threat 0
#54, that is epic.
AxCxDxDx 0
epic win, i hope it does scar for life
GAYbrial 0
I kind of feel sorry for you that you are dating an immature loser. I don't really understand straight guys fascinations with penises. Guess next time you'll just have to ask the hot lifeguard to do it since your boyfriend can't be trusted.
Sdras 0
Wear it with pride, now you're one of the few girls with actual balls :P
DizzyVulps 0
teehee I see wat u did there! =D
LemonStarship 5
He screwed himself over. He's gonna have to look at a giant penis time and time again.