Today, I was cuddling with the man I've been seeing, and he started caressing the mammoth of all pimples on my back. He continued fondling me while lecturing me on the dangers of skin cancer. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to the doctor to ask what the weird white lump was on my back, and if it was cancer. He told me it was the biggest pimple he'd ever seen. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I went to the beach. I though he was being really sweet by putting sunscreen on my back as I layed on my stomach. I got home later, and felt that my back was sore. Then I saw the giant penis on my back that been burnt in. FML
Today, I woke up next to my boyfriend. He gazed at me, stroked my cheek, and said, "Christ, you really need something for this acne." FML
Today, I walked into the dining room to find my mom popping pimples on my dad's back. FML
Today, I went on a movie date. During the movie, I picked a small zit on my forehead. Afterwards, at dinner, he couldn't seem to keep his eyes off of my face. I thought he was staring lovingly at me. He was actually staring at a large throbbing zit with a trail of blood coming from it. FML
Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend and told him how smitten I was with him. He responded by giving me a wedgie. FML
Today, I was on a date. I noticed he kept looking at my lips. Thinking he wanted to kiss me, I leaned in closer. Disgusted, he pulled away and said, "I'm sorry, but that pimple on your chin is, like, staring at me or something." FML
Today, while lying in bed, my boyfriend reached over and pinched my love handles and said "Where did this muffin top come from?". Then he sang "Do you know the muffin man?" to me. FML
Today, my boyfriend was stroking my stomach and looking into my eyes. It was very romantic, until he grabbed my love handles and said, "Mmmm... bacon..." FML
Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom after he had been in there a while. I found him with his pants down, looking at a pimple on his butt in the mirror. He asked me for, "Help." FML
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Top comments
Ali_Br_fml 33
Wow, they always go right to the most embarrassing parts. He couldn't just leave it be? My boyfriend always seems to zone in on the thing I'm trying to hide most.
DRaffie 18
At least he cares about you, right?
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Comments (38)
Julian_s1234 11
First comment. Lol to your case
izzie321 27
First to thumbs down your comment. Leave the first comment for something clever and funny, dude. Come on.
Ali_Br_fml 33
Wow, they always go right to the most embarrassing parts. He couldn't just leave it be? My boyfriend always seems to zone in on the thing I'm trying to hide most.
TrippingOnAcid 29
Amen, why does he like stroking my flabby tummy?
TommyGun85 19
The bits you are most self conscious about probably never enter your partners mind. They are probably more than happy with every part of your body.
DRaffie 18
At least he cares about you, right?
Brandi_Faith 34
Actually not really. He was purposely pointing out something that the op was most likely embarrassed about and acne can't even lead to skin cancer, so his comments made no sense. He did nothing but point out op's flaws and probably embarrass her. Not cool.
bapbap_fml 15
#26, I thought it seemed obvious that he thought it was a mole or some sort of skin tag or lesion. Who rubs a pimple? That's gross.
kbecks87 16
"The mammoth of all pimples..."
olliebush123 15
How romantic
halcyon93 16
That's hot.
aeryn97 17
but...pimples don't lead to skin cancer...sunburns do... :/ fyl
ginger90 3
he probably thought it was a mole, they are a sign of skin cancer if raised above the surface
Ohitsariel 25
that's not necessarily true #7, the warning signs include asymmetry, border, color, and diameter. They are the ABCD's of melanoma!
aeryn97 17
yes for moles...not pimples. most people can tell between a zit and a mole
nonsensical 26
Did he not know it was a pimple?
shadowdragon0820 20
What else could it have been?
MmmPinkTacos 11
Skin cancer
iiTzNeeNerz 26
A number of things #11. It could have been epidermoid cyst for all he knew. Dr. Pimple popper anyone?
nickie_94 18
Ohh that is so cringe worthy
soulreaper12296 28
At least he has your health in mind...in a kinda weird way.
NH_Freelancer 19
Just be glad he didn't try to use it as a third nipple...
SixthSinEnvy 39
...I just got an image of him sucking and it exploding in his mouth. Thank you for sending my imagination on another cring-worthy ride.
Dale_shackleford 13
Thanks for describing the image. We all wanted to imagine it. /sarc
SixthSinEnvy 39
What can I say? Misery loves company.
Dilexar 26
Nope. That's disgusting. All aboard the Nope Train to Fuckthatville