Today, on my shift as a nurse, I asked a pregnant woman what she would name her child. She said she saw the name "Chlamydia" on a billboard and decided to name her daughter that, saying it was "beautiful." I informed her that it was an STD, and she replied, "Oh, well no one knows that!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my coworker, who has a tendency to overshare, decided to tell me she has chlamydia. I threw my hands in the air and said, "Stop. I don't wanna know." A customer heard this exchange and we were both written up. FML
Today, I couldn't contain my laughter when a patient told me she'd named her unborn daughter Twinkie. FML
Today, we found out that my unborn sibling is a girl, and my parents quickly named her. In a few years' time, "Candida" is going to catch all kinds of shit at school, just like I do for being named Dorothy. My "friends" have already started calling me "Lil' yeast infection's sis." FML
Today, I had to make a doctor's appointment for my daughter. Apparently she thought it would be better to wipe herself with Clorox tough scrub disinfecting wipes than tell me she'd caught an STD. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's office, where my mother happens to work. When my doctor tried to prank her by saying I have chlamydia, my mother laughed and said she didn't believe it, adding, "Have you even seen the way she interacts with boys?" FML
Today, I helped a lady give birth on the train. She was so happy she asked if she could name the baby after me, but as I told her my name she visibly turned her nose up at it, turned to her husband, and suggested naming it after his grandfather instead. FML
Today, a girl I recently slept with messaged me, explaining through a rendition of "Call Me Maybe" that she'd given me chlamydia. FML
Today, my new coworker asked if I knew her daughter. I responded yes and asked how her pregnancy was going. She didn't know her daughter was pregnant. FML
Today, I spoke to my hormonal pregnant wife about baby names. I told her I liked the name "Tabitha", and she went into a full rage about how all letters have textures, colours and emotions and how T is an evil letter. Apparently it's orange, plastic, and a needle trying to stab her eyes out. FML
Today, after trying for months for a baby, I finally got a positive test. For chlamydia. FML
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Top comments
hopelessteej 8
i can see that name becoming infectious...
havok87 11
What a dumb bitch. I feel bad for that kid already.
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Comments (176)
dildite 7
'Merica!
jaredofmo 22
In the movie "Waiting..." a customer says "Chlamydia... I think I'll name my daughter Chlamydia." It's come true.
skyeyez9 25
And here I thought an old friend was weird for naming her son "Hamish" or Hammy for his nick name.
Rommel1942 9
Only in America. Tsk tsk.
cassyheath 2
Ha! I remember a song by Shirley Q. Liquor called "Who Is My Baby Daddy?". Chlamydia Champagne was one of the many children's names. Check it out on YouTube! Hilarious!!
skittles_fairy07 4
Sounds like an early start on an FML for that kid.
SaturnV 25
I once knew someone with the last name Hodgkin who always had to contend with the annoying question "like the lymphoma?". His entire family was associated with a disease by the random chance of having the same last name as its discoverer (no relation to the most famous Hodgkin). I'm sure they would be simply mystified to learn that there are people like OP's patient who purposefully give their children names of diseases when they themselves had no choice in the matter.
theawkwardlife 21
"crawl to mommy chlamydia!" "sorry I can't go, I'm at home with chlamydia" ***** gana get hard to explain.
Scribe_fml 8
Imagine her future boyfriends "I'm gonna get me some Chlamydia!"
chosha_fml 27
F that kid's life. She can change her name one day, but she'll always have a mother who's dumb as a box of bricks.
Kober73 1
My faith in humanity crumbles a little more each and every day...