Today, I woke up and found $30 slipped under my door with a note that read, "Please buy yourself a quieter vibrator. - Mom and Dad." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I needed money to go to the movie. I asked my mom if I could reach in her purse and grab a few bucks. When I opened up her purse her phone started to vibrate. I yelled over to my mom that her phone was ringing. She said the phone was next to her. I looked in the purse. It was a vibrator. FML
Today, I gave my mom an extra pillow since the ones in the guest room were too flat and hurt her neck. Hours later, I remembered that I'd stashed my vibrator in that pillowcase during a romantic camping trip with my husband. She found it. FML
Today, the vibrator I ordered online was delivered. I'd paid extra to make sure it would be here before the weekend, so I could sneak it into my room while everyone was gone. My dad decided to stay home all day and answer the door ahead of me. FML
Today, I ran out of underwear and so I went into my mom's drawer to borrow a pair from her. It was then that I found out my mom uses the same vibrator as I do. FML
Today, after assuming I'd been scammed, I finally found the vibrator I ordered over 2 months ago. It was in my mom's bedside cabinet. FML
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
Today, my mother said I'm slipping too deep into depression since my boyfriend left for college in Fresno. Her solution? Buying me a vibrator. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I realized that the vibrator we bought got sent to his parents house. He picked it up from them, brought it home, and we discovered that they had already opened the package. They even tried to hide the evidence by re-taping it. FML
Today, I finally received the vibrator I ordered online. Too bad they labeled what the item was on the outside of the box, and my dad was the one to pick up the packages. FML
Today, I woke up to the sight of a zucchini and a condom on my bedside table, along with a note saying, "I know it's tough being single." Apparently my mom has boundary issues, my dad will laugh at anything, and the fact I just got dumped means nothing. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Grayness_ 26
Or you could just use your hand which is free ! :D haha
grahmagog 14
give it back and tell them to buy headphones
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (180)
happyturtle 16
is quieter even a word?
igetfeisty 6
Give them earplugs and a note saying "there is no substitute for Mr Hitachi."
Adorlee 11
Awkward.. $30 is not enough but check out LELO! Those are awesome
jeff_757 5
They probably don't like the diesel fumes either. Time to change from gas to electric.
carina_47 16
Haha, what's a girl without a vibrator. you should ask for more money and invest in something fancy. It'll pay off!
Angel_of_Night 10
One word: OUCH.
baxeh 29
This is hilarious! Awesome parents
takeme_loveme 6
Okay, that's just embarrassing. eww! if i was in that situation, i would never face my parents anymore.
daboebensen 1
Lol wouldn't bother me in the least. Your parents are hilarious.
dravvy 7
More like get a gag if you're screaming too loud.