Today, at the movies, some asswipe kept throwing candy at me. After 20 minutes of it, I got up and went over to get him to stop. Good news: his balls vanished faster than a politician's spine immediately after being elected. Bad news: I got kicked out for "starting a disturbance". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was having a rough day, so I decided to go to the movies to unwind. 15 minutes in, some assmunch behind me said "This movie sucks!" then dumped his drink over my head and ran out. FML
Today, I was at a movie theater. I heard some obnoxious people talking in front of me. After about 5 minutes, I began throwing popcorn at a group of suspected people. As I was escorted out, I realized that the obnoxious people were in the background of the movie. FML
Today, while on my way to the movies, I stopped at a gas station to pick up candy so I could avoid the high prices at the movies. The guy who tore my ticket asked for my purse, confiscated my candy, and then kicked me out of the movie theater. That guy was my boyfriend. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my husband and our 6-year-old son. My husband kept stealing popcorn from the guy next to him, to the point where the guy punched him in the face. The movie was stopped, the police were called, and my son is now inconsolable. FML
Today, I went to see a movie but took my phone out a few times to check my socials. Apparently the asshole behind me didn’t like that, because he ripped my phone out of my hands, dropped it in my soda, then just sat back in his seat like nothing happened. FML
Today, at my job as a movie theater attendant, my boss finally eased up and let me sit in on one of the movies. One woman kept laughing out loud every other line. After ten minutes of her braying like a dying horse, I got up and had her ejected from the theater. I'm a terrible person. FML
Today, after a long and tiring day at work, I went to the movies, where I loaded up on soda, popcorn, and candy, and settled in to enjoy the movie. I ended up falling asleep and being woken up two hours later by an usher. FML
Today, my family and I went to the movie theater. There weren't enough free seats near the front, so I sat a few rows back with my grandpa. He kept throwing our snacks at my parents' heads all through the movie. He claimed he'd been asleep the whole time, and I'm now grounded. FML
Today, my friends and I saw a movie. We sat in the balcony. Halfway during the movie we heard a commotion, thinking it was a group of unruly teenagers like us, we began to pelt the lower half of the theater with candy. We later learned that it was a man having a heart attack. FML
Today, I went to the movies with some girlfriends. The guy behind us was making these pervy, heavy breathing noises, so we threw some popcorn at him. When the movie finished, we saw him in a wheelchair - with a breathing tube sticking out of his neck. FML
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Top comments
metallicshadow 16
"his balls vanished faster than a politician's spine immediately after being elected" that's a ******* awesome statement
JamoB 7
But I bet the look on his face was priceless
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Comments (74)
41swags 9
Two words: Ass hole
mercifulbane 3
20 minutes? took you some time there
Haduken 16
I love the analogy you used
jococo7787 3
If i were op, next time i would bring an umbrella to the movies.
perdix 31
Asshole is a single compound word, asshole.
Lacist 19
Two words: Worth it.
Robbieisadowg 16
#32 Thats 5 words. Jk
PIGaming 21
Really? 5 words? Even if you are joking its still 4 words.
Axipiter 24
6 words: Can't count.
BoltTheSuperdog 22
Not that these are directed at anyone, but there's asshole, asshat, ass-wipe, how many more versions of the word are there (and do I really want to know)?
8313girl 28
Ok I know Y'all are on the asshole vs. ass-hole debate but y'all failed to miss OP's title. I think bitchcake is a much better insult lol.
44345 9
yeah asshole world
iMuffinKat 16
"Bitchcake" omg I love the title
JamoB 7
But I bet the look on his face was priceless
puggypark 14
You should have explained to the people that kicked you out that the guy was throwing stuff at you
CanadiAnM8 24
At least you got to see the look on his face. Probably better then te movie.
masterof1 7
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Why not move seats?
MaryJaneUSA 4
That would egg on the thrower I think...
FreakoHolm 6
Bet those good news felt real good.
capslockisgood 19
Did that really need to be said?
astralvagan 20
why not just get the theater staff to throw him out?
iLike2Teabag 27
It's in Canada, eh. The staff would have gave him free popcorn for wasting his time or something nice like that.
arsenicalhumor 30
Actually, we give dog sleds with upgraded Huskies, because we're that ******* nice. SO much better then popcorn. What do you think we are, arrogant or something? Jeez.
caver1 14
The same ting happend to me at a ball game.
iknowiwantyou 13
ting mon.
coldasfire 23
That's great.
Cazz91 21
What a twit. Not only did he start shit first but he wasted delicious candy on you for nothing! Other people would have appreciated watching the film while eating that expensive candy more so than him (unless he snuck his own in) but same thing still applies.
mario2012 18
I find your picture disturbingly hot.
Alycat6363 15
Ugh I wouldn't put up with that for 5 minutes, how did you handle 20?
YDIoveragain 4
5min? I might let the first time go as an accident the moment the second candy hit me he be in for some beat down .
iLike2Teabag 27
Because he's Canadian, eh.
metallicshadow 16
"his balls vanished faster than a politician's spine immediately after being elected" that's a ******* awesome statement
BntyHntrSeattle 30
because it's sadly true...