Today, my new neighbor asked if I could keep my dog from yapping during the evenings, because it kept him awake last night. I don't have a dog, but I apologized anyway. I didn't have the heart to admit that those are the sounds my girlfriend makes during sex. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got a text from my neighbor complaining about my girlfriend and me being too noisy in bed. I'm at work. FML
Today, right after sex, my girlfriend apologized to the neighbor for the screaming. He thanked her for the entertainment. FML
Today, my dog is much too fond of barking at me loudly and at length for no reason. So is my girlfriend. FML
Today, I got several noise complaints from various neighbours about my "dog that won't stop barking". I don't own a dog, my neighbour owns the noisy dog. She sent me a complaint as well. FML
Today, I came back to my dorm only to hear my neighbor having loud sex. I thought I was just thinking when I said, "At least do it against the other wall," but when I was left later on, he walked by, apologized and said that he thought I wasn't home, and promised to be more quiet next time. FML
Today, after 3 days of interrupted sleep, I confronted my new neighbor about the noise his wife keeps making during their "private time". He then let me know the noise is actually from his daughter, who's mentally disabled and isn't taking the move well. FML
Today, I ran into my new apartment neighbor. She said she could hear me and my girlfriend having wild sex last night. She told me she had always wanted to have a threesome. My new neighbor is as old as my grandma, and even resembles her. I politely declined. FML
Today, I was trying to fall asleep. Unfortunately, my next-door neighbor's baby began to cry. I closed the window and rolled over, unable to hear the crying anymore. My dog's hearing is better than mine, and so he started barking. Goodbye, good night's sleep. FML
Today, I saw my upstairs neighbor outside getting the mail. She asked how my day was, and then apologized that the sound of her baby's crying through the walls kept me up last night. Apparently she heard me when I yelled at 2am for her fucking demon spawn to shut up. FML
Today, I don't think my neighbours realize that, by getting that dog they have been wanting, they ruined the peace and quiet of the entire neighbourhood, consisting of ten houses. I'm the person underneath whose window that dog barks every day - mostly when I'm either trying to fall asleep or wanting to sleep in. FML
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Top comments
JasonUMN 15
You're taking doggy style to a whole different level!
syki 22
May I suggest a muzzle?
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Comments (95)
DerHolzkopfX 11
Sounds like you're the dog!
buckdharma 38
Maybe she's too wound up before sex. You should take her for a walk first.
buckdharma 38
Oops, #46 beat me to it.
ziya1999 12
Eeeppppp. ******* shit, The sex better be good.
worldclassrager 41
Try missionary and just kiss...that's probably the only option...or talk to her about it...hope it gets resolved...
shaytards_fml 9
Introduce your Husky to your neighbor's Chihuahua
pita1331 7
If i made noises while having sex that sounded like a dog yapping I'd personally be very embarrassed of myself and if i was a man i don't care how good the sex was I'd be laughing at my gf for sounding like a dog!
buckdharma 38
Send her off to obedience school.
TvSmith 8
How close are the homes, to each other??
chosha_fml 27
Good doggy! Here's a bone!
rockhead1270 5
I am a virgin