Today, my new neighbor asked if I could keep my dog from yapping during the evenings, because it kept him awake last night. I don't have a dog, but I apologized anyway. I didn't have the heart to admit that those are the sounds my girlfriend makes during sex. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got a text from my neighbor complaining about my girlfriend and me being too noisy in bed. I'm at work. FML
Today, right after sex, my girlfriend apologized to the neighbor for the screaming. He thanked her for the entertainment. FML
Today, my dog is much too fond of barking at me loudly and at length for no reason. So is my girlfriend. FML
Today, I got several noise complaints from various neighbours about my "dog that won't stop barking". I don't own a dog, my neighbour owns the noisy dog. She sent me a complaint as well. FML
Today, I came back to my dorm only to hear my neighbor having loud sex. I thought I was just thinking when I said, "At least do it against the other wall," but when I was left later on, he walked by, apologized and said that he thought I wasn't home, and promised to be more quiet next time. FML
Today, after 3 days of interrupted sleep, I confronted my new neighbor about the noise his wife keeps making during their "private time". He then let me know the noise is actually from his daughter, who's mentally disabled and isn't taking the move well. FML
Today, I ran into my new apartment neighbor. She said she could hear me and my girlfriend having wild sex last night. She told me she had always wanted to have a threesome. My new neighbor is as old as my grandma, and even resembles her. I politely declined. FML
Today, I was trying to fall asleep. Unfortunately, my next-door neighbor's baby began to cry. I closed the window and rolled over, unable to hear the crying anymore. My dog's hearing is better than mine, and so he started barking. Goodbye, good night's sleep. FML
Today, I saw my upstairs neighbor outside getting the mail. She asked how my day was, and then apologized that the sound of her baby's crying through the walls kept me up last night. Apparently she heard me when I yelled at 2am for her fucking demon spawn to shut up. FML
Today, I don't think my neighbours realize that, by getting that dog they have been wanting, they ruined the peace and quiet of the entire neighbourhood, consisting of ten houses. I'm the person underneath whose window that dog barks every day - mostly when I'm either trying to fall asleep or wanting to sleep in. FML
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Top comments
JasonUMN 15
You're taking doggy style to a whole different level!
syki 22
May I suggest a muzzle?
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Comments (95)
Dinoporeon 9
No matter how many times I read this, I still laugh. Tell your girlfriend I said woof.
VampOfSavannah 31
Damn, you stole my comment lol :p
October3461 12
that was sweet of you not to embarrass your girlfriend in front of your neighbors just next time tell her to not take the whole doggy style literal
zahidnasir 22
maybe she took the doggie style a bit too far
bitchimabunnyz33 13
Insert doggystyle, animal in bed, and shes a bitch jokes here :
olpally 33
They've already said them on the first page. You're late by an hour or so already. Haha.
kellyem2 20
Probably best for everyone involved that you kept that tidbit to yourself.
Muttley9 13
I heartily recommend watching an old movie called "Porky's" for the scene where the young gym coach gets busy with the young female gym coach. :)
Calingaladha 21
Brings 'getting some tail' to a whole new level
marcelmg 10
Take her out for a walk.
martin8337 36
Put a leash on her first.
xtinkluv89x 7
"Suffocate" her with a pillow, maybe??
DotDootyDot 17
You deserve it... In a good way! Enjoy the good sex, you two!