Today, I was spooning with my wife when I said, "It's cold tonight." Previously when I used that line, my wife would respond by saying, "I know how to warm you up" and we would make love. Tonight, she said, "I know how to warm you up" and farted on me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was spooning with my girlfriend. She fell asleep and spent the next 15 minutes farting on me. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
Today, while lying in bed with my wife, I asked her if she still loved me. Her reply "Sometimes". This I know is true because she instantly rolled over and farted on my leg. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed together, and I was in a snuggly mood. I rolled over to gaze lovingly into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to him in the darkness. His response? "Dear God! Did somebody fart in your mouth?!" FML
Today, while we were sleeping, my girlfriend and I rolled to opposite sides of the bed. When I woke up, I moved closer and wrapped my arm around her. Her response was to fart in her sleep, resulting in a smell so noxious that I had no choice but to roll back to the other side. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, my girlfriend whispered "Are you asleep?" I chose not to respond, to see what she'd do. She then let rip a loud, stinking fart, giggled, and went back to sleep. FML
Today, while getting ready to go to bed, I told my boyfriend that I feel depressed due to the lack of intimacy in our relationship. His response was to roll over, fall asleep, and send a deadly fart my way. FML
Today, my boyfriend's response to me saying, "Most women like a bit of filth in the bedroom every now and again" was to start farting in bed. Not quite what I meant. FML
Today, while spooning my spouse, I was awakened in the wee hours by a huge, junk-rattling fart. This has happened numerous times since she became a vegetarian. FML
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Top comments
scheme 0
owned
Craig92EIRE 0
at least you're warm:)
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Comments (138)
Doosam94 0
I woulda took my wifes face put it on my ass and ripped the biggest one in the world and she would get k.od
roryrobotic 5
That's nothing to be proud of. Nast.
MissSmiley613 0
Hahahaha!!! I don't usually laugh at FML's because normally they arn't all that funny, but this really did make me LOL. Congrats, your wife is my hero
mickeyymouse 0
that's what you get for using the same line so often that you were actually expecting sex. She was just being unpredictable :) shake up the relationship, right? YDI
lovelikethis19 0
lmao too funny
FlyPhoenix 0
XD *dies from laughter*
dontaskdonttell 0
Hehe. My husband and I have used that line recently... Would never fart on him for it... (admitedly we are still in the first year...)
ftb170 0
that's great she can joke with you like that :p
Mortgaged 0
That's "code" for anal isn't it?
ftb170 0
and spaceghost grow up.what are you like 12?! are u even old enough to be reading this