Anonymous
United States
Invasion of the bodysnatchers
Today, I'm at work as a security guard. At a morgue. Why am I here? FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
emily
This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff
United States
Whodunnit
Today, my cellphone was stolen. I work in a morgue. By myself. Obviously it wasn't stolen by any of those people. FML
Muhd Hazrie
Flashdance
Today, I was working as a security guard in a office building. It was 5 p.m. and most of the staff had gone home so it was pretty quiet. I did a little ballet dance around my security post. When I turned around, I saw my supervisor taking a video of me. He sent it to my boss. FML
Zxry123
Singapore, Singapore
LET ME IN
Today, I work the night shift as a security officer. I packed my uniform and my stuff into one large bag and left for work. When I arrived, I realized that I'd left something important at home, so guess what it was? My security pass and it was almost 5 minutes before my shift started. FML
chili
No one is safe
Today, I got mugged at work. The sad thing is I'm a cop and was trying to catch the people who mugged me previously while off duty. FML
fucked
San Francisco, United States
Today, I landed my first job as a security officer. Only after I signed all the paperwork did I find out that the area I'll be working is apparently a hotspot for violent shootings. I'm screwed. FML
anon
Today, I started my new job at a security company. In the first 15 minutes there was a bomb threat. FML
copshop
United States
Today, I was working the graveyard shift as a security guard. I fell asleep in my car doing paperwork around 2 am. When my supervisor came to check on me, he pounded on my window, wearing a "Scream" mask. I panicked and pepper sprayed him. Too bad my window was closed. FML
Anonymous
United States
Today, as I walked into the bank, I tripped and bumped into a security guard. He thought I was assaulting him, so he pinned me to the floor and called for backup as he held me at gunpoint. FML
Clinch
Parp Blarp Mall Carp
Today, I was security at a shopping centre and tried to stop a guy from drinking in public. He told me to fuck off and "go play cops and robbers somewhere else", so I tried to escort him to the security office. He picked me up with one hand and threw me in the fountain. My boss let him go with a warning. I hate my job. FML
Jonoq
Canada
Stress factor 11
Today, in a 2-hour period at work, I had to talk to the cops, clean up shit and clean up vomit, yet none of these events were related. The worst part is, I work as a lifeguard and none of this is in the job description. FML
Top comments
boyguydudemalema 0
because you applied for it ?
Hasmo 0
someone needs to protect the zombies right? your doing your country a service
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Comments (258)
MearaRocks 0
to kick some necrophelia's ass?
CallMeHush 1
Zombie Watch, You're our first line of defence!
TheChad12 2
True that!
BoyFromTheFuture 0
first zombie snack
thensome 1
Because you didn't like school?
twitch0601 0
best job ever actually! well I woul rather drive em around then watch em. and he's asking why does hw have to guard dead bodies. also I know it's tempting to feel dead boobies but try to control yourself. it's not that great
buoyantcitrus 0
Have you felt dead boobies before?
turtles4life 24
People like you are the reason there have to be security guards at morgues.
allmidnighteyes 11
Does this morgue happen to be in Raccoon City?
illjusbedamned 0
I'm confused as to why people are answering an obviously rhetorical question.
romano07 0
for the sane reason you commented?
ColdGold 6
Because that's what I do.
mysticwater 0
you'd be surprised what thief's and vandals would do at such a place. do your job and stop bitching, you are there for a reason.
GregoryStalver_fml 6
If you find a corpse with a cork is its butt, don't remove it, because then the anus will just start singing "On the road again" or "Courtesy of the white and blue". Because we all know any asshole can sing country music.
SulfurPlague 0
Mine sings the blues.
buoyantcitrus 0
I lol'd at your last sentence.
Queen_of_Night 20
Zydrate comes in a corpse before it comes in a little glass vial.
browface 0
I LOVE THAT MOVIE!
ZTB13 4
A little glass vial?